The Proof is in the Pudding...er...song?

So, literally less than 5 minutes ago I'm looking at some stuff online that's making me feel less than myself, you know, trashy media. The stuff that makes us women feel like ugly, fat, worthless pieces of dirt. And I'm thinking, "Why can't I be beautiful like that?" "Why can't I be skinny and tall and why do I have to have such short legs" and blah blah blah blah. And I have Pandora on right? What song comes on? "After the World" by Disciple which is a love song from God to His children. If I wasn't so out of life right now from taking those pain meds, I'd probably have a break down cuz it was just one of those moments. Instead I'm blogging it out & thinking maybe I'll come back some day and read this and remember what I was doing, trashing and beating myself down & then God tried to remind me of His love & I just blew Him off. I know I shouldn't do it but then why do I? Why do I constantly feel worthless & like I deserve my pain & sorrows? Why do I burden myself with things that I should let God have? Does everyone else struggle with this like I do or is it easier for you to let God be who He is? I hate the rebellious spirit in me but anymore I don't know how to tame it & control it & sometimes I wish I could just be like the Skillet song "Locked in a Cage" because if it was like that, if I could just be locked in a cage for God, then I couldn't do these things ya know? Okay I'm done rambling now I really need to get to bed. Peace everyone. Listen to Pandora. It really rocks!!