Empty Weekend

Friday, class til 4, don't usually get home til 4:30, but now I take Alissa home so its a few more minutes...no big deal really. Obviously the world is against me. I'm going MAYBE 25 mph, if that, and I'm heading around this curve and paying attention and everything and all of a sudden we are sliding and I freak. I cranked the wheel one way (and it was locked) and then once it unlocked I had cranked it the other way and Alissa and I ended up spining around 360 and hitting a snowbank which happened to crack my front left fender a bit, but nothing too serious...at least I hope not, my mom and I both looked at it and decided its not too bad. So I dropped Alissa off and went home, still shaking and fully believing I was meant to die...it was a very bizarre circumstance I kid you not...well anyway, I get home and I am terrified to tell my parents (mostly my dad) what happened; anyone who knows my family would understand. The whole way home my mind raced with thoughts of stories I could make up...hit and run in the school parking lot etc etc...and I finally decided I HAD to tell the truth because I quite honestly deserved whatever my parents would have to say about it. I told my mom and she checked out the damage and said she fully believed it was not my fault and she said she wasn't angry with me at all. My dad still does not know and I dread him finding out, but moving on with the story. So I get home and I had planned on baking a cake for this reunion party I was going to, but obviously I did not have the a)time or b)focus to do that once I got home. Party started at 5:30, I got home at 5:15. I begged my mom to take me to the grocery store to grab some stuff and then drop me off so I would not have to get back into my car, and she agreed. Okay, party, totally fine, great fun, good times with people I have really really missed, I thought my week was turning around. Well, went to the show choir competition on Saturday in Sauk and got to see the Choraliers make it into finals (as of right now, I do not know how they have done/are doing in finals, but they made finals). It was a TON of fun at first, Liz, Ashley, Cindy and I...it was the most fun ever...but then I happened to look to where the Choraliers were sitting cuz Ashley had poked me and said someone was doing the robot (oh Andrew, so funny and entertaining!) and so I looked up and saw my nightmarish past staring back at me. Exbest friend and all. 3 words: could. not. breathe. Tight chest, not being able to think clearly, couldn't really hear the people around me...it was seriously awful. In half a heartbeat, it was like the beginning of Summer 2008 all over again...and sadly the first thing I wanted to reach for was what I knew I mustn't even consider. It has now been 4-5 hours and I am still tensed and still uneasy. I say no and then hear a VERY clear explanation why it would be completely justifiable... How do I feel? Linkin Park, "Numb" that is how I feel...between their song "Numb" and "Easier to Run" I am basically a mixture of those two songs. Well I have blogged and gotten the words out of my system for now. I suppose we shall wait and see how the CATS do in sauk :) peace.

Back to School, LAPTOP!! and Lasagna

Back to school.....oh the joys of another semester!! This semester I am quite happy with my classes. I have History 102-civil war to present, Shakespeare (cha! lit class!), women in literature (cha! another lit class!!), Trig (which shouldn't prove too tough...I had it in high school and it was much more rigorous then than now I believe...well...I've only had 2 classes so we shall see, but still, I've already had trig), psychology (which is going to be exciting!) and that is all :) On top of SGA meetings and the rest of my life's events, this is a pretty full schedule. I'm excited that I only have MWF classes so that means I can do other things on T and Th...like volunteer at church and babysit and do homework! lol. SGA is exciting...like always :) Lol. We had voting to determine the new Executive Director and Treasurer and now we are short for the Diversity Chair but that's okay becuz we have 2 new people coming in soon... So that's school. And in other news, I got my laptop back!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Celebration!!! I missed it so so so unbelievably much!!! Our home computer is just snail slow and I normally have no patience when I have things to do. lol. The only downside to the laptop is that, once again, I have to re-add all of my music to it!!! That took my an entire summer before!! Eeks! Well, I shall work on it bit by bit :) And for my last bit of blog tonight...LASAGNA!!!!!!!!! I have been eating it as leftovers ALL week!!!!!!!!!! OH MY! I mean, I love lasagna as much as the average lasagna lover but STILL!! Ughhhh....wayyyy too much lasagna!! At least its gone now! :) Random abortion fact: by week 3, 21 days after conception, a baby has 10 fingers, 10 toes and a heartbeat....this is about the time many women find out they are pregnant. How depressing is it that women will kill their unborn child while its' heart is beating?? On that note, I shall end. Peace.

Obama. Barack Obama.

Okay so he is our president, yes? But that does not mean I have like him, nope. Sure I will pray for him but that does not mean I am made to like him and his ideas. All the troops home from Iraq in 18 months or whatev it is?? Uh huh. Yeah, and then what? More terrorist attacks? More American lives taken? Sure, great idea. Of course I know that God says that we should respect our leaders and pray for them and such and I will do so. However, I just feel so dang UNEASY about this guy. To see him speak and see the hope he gives people...it really, sincerely bothers me. So many people, especially young people are enthralled with him, thinking "oh yay! our first black president! one who wants change and peace!" to me, that is simply unnerving. I doubt any of them (at least not many) have studied end times prophecy, much less care about it. At times, I feel as though this could be close to the end and the Rapture could be today or tomorrow or next week even! Then again, other times, it is almost as though he is "just" another president, like the ones before him. I've been throwing these ideas around in my mind ever since it was evident of his popularity and now that he has been elected and sworn in, something in my mind and soul just screams, "NO!" I don't know how to explain it but I guess I wonder if there are any other people out there feeling this...is there anyone else like me who thinks and/or feels this way?? Right now I'm so torn between opinions and decisions...all I want is an answer and I know I must wait for that answer; patience sure would be nice!! Anyway, those are my current thoughts...Obama...hrm. <><>

GOD HAS A POSITIVE ANSWER

You say: 'It's impossible'

God says: All things are possible

(Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm too tired'

God says: I will give you rest

(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: 'Nobody really loves me'

God says: I love you

(John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: 'I can't go on'

God says: My grace is sufficient

(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out'

God says: I will direct your steps

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: 'I can't do it'

God says: You can do all things

(Philippians 4:13)

You say: 'I'm not able'

God says: I am able

(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: 'It's not worth it'

God says: It will be worth it

(Roman 8:28 )

You say: 'I can't forgive myself'

God says: I Forgive you

(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: 'I can't manage'

God says: I will supply all your needs

(Philippians 4:19)

You say: 'I'm afraid'

God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear

(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'

God says: Cast all your cares on ME

(I Peter 5:7)

You say: 'I'm not smart enough'

God says: I give you wisdom

(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: 'I feel all alone'

God says: I will never leave you or forsake you

(Hebrews 13:5)

I love how people make these and forward them through emails and such but people seldom actually, truly, REALLY believe them. If God says it, He means it because believe me, if He didn't mean it, He wouldn't have said it to begin with. So, REST in Him and take joy in the fact that you are His child and have nothing to really worry about. Have peace and be truly happy! :) ~peace.

A Time to Escape, A Time to Learn, A Time to Become

Greetings! Well, for the last week, I have been in St. Paul, Minnesota. I was visiting my older brother and his family and to be quite honest, I was looking forward to the visit little, I mean, I was going to go and get out of my house and away from my hometown for awhile just to get away and escape in a sense. However, I did NOT expect to experience what I did while I was there. Somehow, in the miles it takes to drive from here to there (the 4+ hour drive) I found myself. Yes, that is right. As of right now, I am perfectly comfortable being who I am. On Thursday afternoon and evening, I was able to visit with my friend, Elaine Gustafson, who I met during disaster relief in Reedsburg. I got to chat with her while I cooked up some lasagna at her place and I met her husband too. I had a great day visiting her and wish we did not live so far apart. While I was at Elaine's I was able to speak with Randy Smith and she asked if Liz Vogel and I would like to help out at Empower this next March and I really WOULD love to go and see her again!! I have changed since starting the 60-60 experiment...not as much as I potentially COULD have, but it is getting better and I feel much closer to God. ((if anyone is reading this, at this point in time they should feel bad for me because my father is subjecting me to polka music....OLD polka music...oh the annoyance of the polka!!!)) anywho, I realized that at times, I just need to separate myself from my family's drama and let it all go and be myself. I tend to get SOO caught up in trying to please everyone that I end up unhappy. I'm sick of being unhappy and depressed so I need to change don't you think?? I do!! I have learned that I do not HAVE to be perfect all the time, just myself. I also learned that dressing a little bit more decently will give people a better impression of me and they will take me more seriously so, although blue jeans are nice, they are not what everybody wears to be grown up :( its kind of sad that I have to dress differently for people to treat me differently but I guess things have always been that way in the world haven't they? *sighs* anyway, that is what I learned. The time to become is simply this: this week I learned to become my own person. My own opinions, ideas and thoughts. No one around me forced their opinions on me and said I was wrong for thinking one thing over another. I was treated like an ADULT for the first real time in my life and I loved it. Hopefully, I can keep on what I did so that people will think I CAN be serious. I asked 5 people if they thought I could be serious and out of the 5, only 2 said that yes, I could be serious. That is scary and sad for me. So, from now on, I am going to be more adult like. Oh yay. Peace!

St. Paul, the Vatican, and..... Walmart?

Greetings to all from St. Paul, Minnesota!! As you can see, I am not currently in my home writing this blog. Nope. I am visiting with my brother and his family. It really has been great to spend time with my niece and nephew, Allison and Grier. Allie is only 3 but Grier is older and in school, the 7th grade :) Liberty, Allie and I are going to go to this museum that has an exhibit of things/works from the Vatican that are touring the United States. There will be art by Michaelangelo (can't spell, sorry) and Bernini and others! I am very much excited to see this exhibit. Hrm. I do suppose we shall go after lunch and naptime. Woot woot. Well, since I really do not have anything else to write about at the moment, I'm going to post a list of fun things to do while in Walmart! Yesh.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Run up to an employee (preferrebly a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"

6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to the max.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hey! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.

16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

24. Nonchalantly test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, &quot...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell BOOBS upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!).

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

40. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

41. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

42. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

43. Two words: "Marco Polo."

44. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

45. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

46. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.

47. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

48. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

49. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, &quotNo, no! It's those voices again!"

50. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

51. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

52. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

53. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

54. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

55. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

56. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from the other aisles.

58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "Hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "Hi!! (giggle) Whats your sign?"

59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

65. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.

70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.

71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag.

72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming"

73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes.

74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices.

75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane.

76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle).

77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"

78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight

79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.

80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.

81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section

82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.

83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.

84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (dont try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.

85. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.

86. Go to the gun section, saying "Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smily face!"

87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use wite-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.

88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught.

89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.

90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."

91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbors name.

92. Rearrange items as you see fit.

93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.

94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs.

95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex).

96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recomended).

97. Grab stickers that say "radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.

98. Follow someone until they notice.

99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial.

100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.

101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the middle of a clothes rack.

Lord move me

"Move or Move Me" by FFH

I can't find the words to pray,
I'm a little down today
Can You help me, can You hold me
I feel a million miles away,
and I don't know what to say
Can You hear me anyway
What I need is for You to reach out Your hand
You have taught me no matter what You'd understand

Lord move in a way
that I've never seen before
'Cause there's a mountain in the way
and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move, or move me

I've looked everywhere to find
a simple peace of mind
But I can't find nothin' on my own
So I gotta leave myself behind,
take up this cross of mine
Give away everything I hold onto
Lord, I know the only way is through this
But Lord, I know I need you to help me do this

Lord move in a way that I've never seen before
'Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move, or move me

Out of this place of complacency
To a place of fellowship with thee
'Cause I am weak,
but Lord, You are so strong
And You know it's been way too long
It's been way too long

Lord move in a way that I've never seen before
'Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move,
Lord move in a way that I've never seen before
'Cause there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door
I'm drifting away, waves are crashing on the shore
So Lord move, or move me


I really love this song because its so depictive and its also a great reminder that God moves but also He moves US. A lot of the time, we lose sight of that. Its not always other people who need to do hard things, sometimes we need to as well.
peace <3
~llama

60-60: day 3

So, the 60-60 Experiment is going decently I think...every 60 minutes, for 60 days, I am supposed to communicate with God...and I think it's going well...at least 3 days into it, it seems like its going well. Tomorrow, I leave for the Twin Cities for a week. yay fun! I think if I was stuck home all break long I just might die of boredom. But I have stuff to look forward to now. I'm on the hunt for another devotional book for after I finish reading the Soul Revolution one..but I have yet to find one...hrm. Any ideas anyone? I need a new music addiction but I'm not sure where to go...I mean, I love Skillet, always will, but I also want to keep exploring new music...once again, any ideas peeps? Hrm. I guess that is all I really have to say for now, except, communicating with God all day periodically is really really neat. I mean, its sounds dumb, but this morning after I woke up, I asked God what I should do and I looked outside and realized it had snowed and my dad was gone so I decided to go outside and shovel stuff by hand for him, the harder areas. I was about to figure out the snow blower but I knew what I had done was enough, and it sure blessed my dad. (: its always a great feeling when you listen to God and what He has to say. [[<3]]>

First Blogg...yay?!

So, I decided I like to write too much to not have a blog (: lol. so...I created a blogger blog! haha! well, it was either this or xanga and this lets me edit the html so yea, the little i know about html will be nice to change. So, just today I started this "experiment" called the 60-60 Day Experiment. The idea is to talk to God at least once every 60 minutes for 60 days. Its kinda from this book called "Soul Revolution" by John Burke. I don't know much about him or anything but I got this book at a conference with Tracy Wheat and it really looked good and I'm hoping it will grow me closer to God, the ultimate goal of everything I do (or so I'd like to think most days). I've started it pretty decently strong I believe and I cannot wait to see what has changed in me by the end!! On another note, we started the 2nd round of True Love Waits, a unit on purity in X-Roads and small group...this time I'm LEADING. Yikes. Sometimes I wonder why God has me leading younger girls who it seems like I can hardly relate to, but I just noticed this last week, that they all respect me...and that really surprised me. In high school I was definitely never one of the "in" crowd or a prep or whatever you choose to call them, but they relate to and respect what I have to say and to me, that was just a huge moment when I realized it. I conlude then with the point that I still have no idea why He has placed me here, but I am determined to serve Him as best I can while I'm where I am at, at this point in my life. Peace <3