Hey all :)
So tonight, for the first time in about 2 years, I watched the Chronicles of Narnia on dvd :)
[the lion the witch and the wardrobe in case anybody cares lol ]
and I remembered why I love movies like this so much.
They take you away to a purer place, a place where love really does conquer everything and no matter what happens, things always turn out okay. I started thinking about what life would be like if we lived in Narnia instead of America...imagine:
*No president,, but instead a regal king (who just happens to be a lion)...and who happens to be an amazing Savior at the same time.
*Never having to worry about anything because it's all under Aslan's control
*Being completely free,, and even when you mess up, you can still find that freedom.
and of course
*Never having to worry about the scars of the past. In Narnia, Edmund betrayed his own family to seek glory and fame for himself and it only led to his capture and almost demise. But...because Aslan is so full of love and grace, He offered himself in the place of Edmund on the stone table,,dying as a traitor when He was not one....Giving Edmund another chance at life.
And with all these thoughts running through my mind, wishing I could live this fairytale, I remembered something: I can and I am...because:
Aslan is C.S. Lewis's equivalent to Jesus Christ and it's all allegorical. We are free and we never have to worry about a thing if we give all control to Christ [[Aslan]].
Sure, I still wish I lived in the beautiful fairytale world of Narnia,, but maybe in the end there is a reason fairytale lands do not actually exist,, maybe it's to remind us that our life is one big fairytale with a beautiful ending ♥
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Sleeplessness and Stories
So, last weekend, I talked to my mom about letting me get some sleeping pills...
I honestly do NOT want to take them but I need to sleep too...it's unfair. I hate
not being able to sleep or fall asleep but I hate being dependent on a pill!!! The
last 2 days I haven't even taken any because I despise drugs so much...it's bad
enough that I have to be on painkillers for my jaw :( Stupid problems. I wish
sleep came easier...why must my body be so stubborn? Grr.
anywho.
Stories :)
You will all be pleased to hear I've been working on my story again...part 2 to be
posted within the next week hopefully...I've also been writing poetry. I've felt inspired
today and I'm not sure why haha. I'm not protesting :)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand
something even MORE awesome!
Flynn and I are writing a story together :)
Its going to PWN!!! haha I'm pumped ^_^
...even though I'm sure he's a better writer than I am :P
that's all! tata!!
I honestly do NOT want to take them but I need to sleep too...it's unfair. I hate
not being able to sleep or fall asleep but I hate being dependent on a pill!!! The
last 2 days I haven't even taken any because I despise drugs so much...it's bad
enough that I have to be on painkillers for my jaw :( Stupid problems. I wish
sleep came easier...why must my body be so stubborn? Grr.
anywho.
Stories :)
You will all be pleased to hear I've been working on my story again...part 2 to be
posted within the next week hopefully...I've also been writing poetry. I've felt inspired
today and I'm not sure why haha. I'm not protesting :)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand
something even MORE awesome!
Flynn and I are writing a story together :)
Its going to PWN!!! haha I'm pumped ^_^
...even though I'm sure he's a better writer than I am :P
that's all! tata!!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
In the Face of Eternity.
I've been thinking a lot about this concept lately...in the face of eternity, what do things mean?
So many adults and people tell me, "Go to college and get your degree, you will get job security and blah blah blah."
But I have problem with this.
I think it is SO hard to go to a non-Christian college and maintain my walk.
At least it's been like that for me this entire year.
I mean, it's not like I'm just being lazy (although that is part of it some days)
but I am really frequently exhausted and drained (mentally AND physically) and
I feel inadequate ALL the time.
My older brother who I used to look up to a lot (who went to college for something like
6 years or something...crazy I know), the last time I saw him, was giving me the 3rd degree
for not attending a 4 year UW school right away. His words were "Why didn't you go to
UW Madison? You could have gotten in!" These words crushed me.
One: because I felt like I do everytime someone belittles my school.
Just because it is a 2 year campus does NOT mean it's a pansy school.
Two: because of the comment, I feel stupid for having hard times with things at my school now.
Math is hard for me and so are a lot of other things, I'm not the intellectual genius
he is and I don't try to be.
I HATE feeling inadequate and stupid but everytime I turn around, someone or something
is bringing me down.
And is it all because of college??!
So my question is this: in the face of eternity, will it matter if I make a triple figure salary?
Will it matter if I have my masters degree in education? Will it even matter if my gpa was higher
than a 3.0?!
the answer to all of these is no.
what WILL matter is how well I served God and lived for Him.
I've been struggling SO hard lately with these feelings, like there is nothing I can do
to be good enough and that college just feels wrong.
As of right now, I'm going to get my Associate's Degree and take a year off and do some soul
searching...or maybe by then I'll know what God wants from me because honestly, getting my
4 year degree and being depressed and secluded from people all the time is not good for me... I hate it and I would do anything to live a different life. This all feels so wrong and I cannot stand it for much longer.
In the face of eternity, what is a decision anyway?
So many adults and people tell me, "Go to college and get your degree, you will get job security and blah blah blah."
But I have problem with this.
I think it is SO hard to go to a non-Christian college and maintain my walk.
At least it's been like that for me this entire year.
I mean, it's not like I'm just being lazy (although that is part of it some days)
but I am really frequently exhausted and drained (mentally AND physically) and
I feel inadequate ALL the time.
My older brother who I used to look up to a lot (who went to college for something like
6 years or something...crazy I know), the last time I saw him, was giving me the 3rd degree
for not attending a 4 year UW school right away. His words were "Why didn't you go to
UW Madison? You could have gotten in!" These words crushed me.
One: because I felt like I do everytime someone belittles my school.
Just because it is a 2 year campus does NOT mean it's a pansy school.
Two: because of the comment, I feel stupid for having hard times with things at my school now.
Math is hard for me and so are a lot of other things, I'm not the intellectual genius
he is and I don't try to be.
I HATE feeling inadequate and stupid but everytime I turn around, someone or something
is bringing me down.
And is it all because of college??!
So my question is this: in the face of eternity, will it matter if I make a triple figure salary?
Will it matter if I have my masters degree in education? Will it even matter if my gpa was higher
than a 3.0?!
the answer to all of these is no.
what WILL matter is how well I served God and lived for Him.
I've been struggling SO hard lately with these feelings, like there is nothing I can do
to be good enough and that college just feels wrong.
As of right now, I'm going to get my Associate's Degree and take a year off and do some soul
searching...or maybe by then I'll know what God wants from me because honestly, getting my
4 year degree and being depressed and secluded from people all the time is not good for me... I hate it and I would do anything to live a different life. This all feels so wrong and I cannot stand it for much longer.
In the face of eternity, what is a decision anyway?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Light.
Some nights she feels,
So very alone.
There’s too much pain,
And her future unknown.
The darkness whispers,
Memories and lies.
Everything’s bottled up,
And she wishes to cry.
No tears are found,
No kind of relief.
So she looks for a blade,
To find a release.
But before the blade,
Reaches her skin.
A small bit of light,
Fills her within.
The light brings in,
A small bit of hope.
And a different way,
For her to cope.
Her life has worth,
far beyond this pain.
God gave her a future,
And so much to gain.
She puts down the blade,
With God in her sight.
She battles on,
And will win this fight.
love this poem. a lot.
So very alone.
There’s too much pain,
And her future unknown.
The darkness whispers,
Memories and lies.
Everything’s bottled up,
And she wishes to cry.
No tears are found,
No kind of relief.
So she looks for a blade,
To find a release.
But before the blade,
Reaches her skin.
A small bit of light,
Fills her within.
The light brings in,
A small bit of hope.
And a different way,
For her to cope.
Her life has worth,
far beyond this pain.
God gave her a future,
And so much to gain.
She puts down the blade,
With God in her sight.
She battles on,
And will win this fight.
love this poem. a lot.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Lost in Indifference
I don't care. Really I don't.
I have said these words so many times in the last year, the last TWO years. I am sick of lying to myself. When I let myself not care, I sink. When I let myself give in to what other people want everytime, I'm a doormat. When I don't even try to think about what I want, I'm hopeless. People ask me what I am going to school for and I always reply with the automatic response "Teacher. A high school English teacher."
Great they say. Job security they say. Good choice for your life they say.
It feels wrong.
I don't know how to make it right.
College. I hate college.
I thought...thought it would be great. I thought it would be my chance to shine.
But I can't stand going there.
I feel like I'm being sucked into a life I don't want.
It feels wrong.
I can't get peace about it.
But there is not a thing I can do about it.
I can't change now.
I have already decided.
I have considered getting my associate's degree and taking time off...
My thoughts have even considered leaving home. Without telling anyone.
And moving somewhere where no one knows me.
Or maybe near a place where I have friends or a friend.
Things get so bad sometimes that I just sit and cry and have no clue what is making
me cry. The other night, I got home from class and cried so hard I couldn't breathe and
then had a panic attack. What on earth could that be FROM?
I have 4 final exams and then school is over for this year.
I'm having a hard time even having Skillet pull me out of this.
Sinking into another depression I fear.
I need an escape.
And I certainly need help.
56 days til Skillet in oshkosh at lifest.
Can I make it?
I'm trying to remember the stars but all I see is darkness everywhere.
I have said these words so many times in the last year, the last TWO years. I am sick of lying to myself. When I let myself not care, I sink. When I let myself give in to what other people want everytime, I'm a doormat. When I don't even try to think about what I want, I'm hopeless. People ask me what I am going to school for and I always reply with the automatic response "Teacher. A high school English teacher."
Great they say. Job security they say. Good choice for your life they say.
It feels wrong.
I don't know how to make it right.
College. I hate college.
I thought...thought it would be great. I thought it would be my chance to shine.
But I can't stand going there.
I feel like I'm being sucked into a life I don't want.
It feels wrong.
I can't get peace about it.
But there is not a thing I can do about it.
I can't change now.
I have already decided.
I have considered getting my associate's degree and taking time off...
My thoughts have even considered leaving home. Without telling anyone.
And moving somewhere where no one knows me.
Or maybe near a place where I have friends or a friend.
Things get so bad sometimes that I just sit and cry and have no clue what is making
me cry. The other night, I got home from class and cried so hard I couldn't breathe and
then had a panic attack. What on earth could that be FROM?
I have 4 final exams and then school is over for this year.
I'm having a hard time even having Skillet pull me out of this.
Sinking into another depression I fear.
I need an escape.
And I certainly need help.
56 days til Skillet in oshkosh at lifest.
Can I make it?
I'm trying to remember the stars but all I see is darkness everywhere.
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Long Awaited Skillet Blog.
Skillet recap:
The day started out with Alyssa and I (and her sister Karlye) making shirts. The words “Panhead” on the front and various things on the back (shut up and rock!, I am a peanut, etc).
After shirts were done, we were off to the Concordia field house. We were there 40-45 minutes earl and there was already a line, after Lifest I should have known ha ha.
Regardless, we got in and were 3rd row, standing room only of course. Not the front, but for a first show, it was good enough J These 2 guys behind us were sitting and they complimented my epic jeans and asked me if I minded if they read them. I said “of course you can!” and continued talking to my friends. One of those same guys had a shirt on from the “Hey You I Love Your Soul” era! It said “I’m Locked” and I had to get a picture of it because I had never seen it before!
Well, the time passed quickly and Decyfer Down was up before I knew it. I don’t know their music very well, but I did listen to a few songs beforehand (I did my research haha). I love “Fading”, “Fight Like This” and “Crash”. Afterwards, I have decided I love them and need a cd or two J Yeah, working on that…
After a short break, Disciple was up and to be honest, I didn’t think too much of them right away, they seemed kind of screamy for my tastes, but after hearing “After the World” and the lead singer speak about love, I knew I loved them too. They are quite awesome.
In less time than Decyfer Down, it seemed, Disciple was over! By this point, my stomach was going mad and I could not think straight. Not even close to straight. My thoughts were a spinning blur. It was SO unreal. Me seeing Skillet. Dreams becoming a reality.
A part of me wanted to run. To escape. I was afraid. I have no idea why exactly, but it felt like the moment was too perfect & that something had to go wrong. Running is my way to cope with disappointment…and to be disappointed with this I knew I couldn’t stand, I was trying to protect myself.
But God is faithful and it was perfect.
Alyssa and I were chatty and could not stop smiling from ear to ear. Our conversations would start and stop and jump from things that had nothing to do with Skillet to the stage setup and back to Skillet again.
And then ScottyRock came out. And it was all over.
The lights turned off.
The crowd grew silent. (momentarily anyway)
The intro began with Jonathan Chu and his incredible violin solo.
Then Jen came out and she was smiling and emphasizing the downbeats perfectly.
Korey and Ben next, the volume level rising.
With each member’s entrance, the crowd got that much louder.
By the time John emerged, my heart was pounding so hard I am amazed it’s still beating properly.
Adrenaline pumping, hair flying, fist in the air and we were through ‘Comatose’.
Before I could even take a breath, the crowd was pressing in and I heard the beginning of ‘Whispers in the Dark’. This song was my saving grace last summer (2008) and if anyone wants to know why, ask and I’ll tell you later.
I was screaming as loud as I could and jumping around like mad. I have a large bruise below my right kneecap on my shin from jumping and having my purse hit my leg repeatedly.
Then they hit chorus.
And John screamed, “No! You will never be alone!”
And the tears began to fall.
Quickly and thickly they fell.
My vision was blurred, my body was shaking and I was sobbing.
Never alone.
God was wrapping Himself around me in complete fullness and it was so much more than I could take.
The empty parts were filled, the broken parts mended. Though the scars are many, I finally saw the love is more. <3
“I don’t want to live dying on the inside, because Your love is better than life.”
After whispers came ‘Collide’ and I was jumping and screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Alyssa and I met each other’s eyes at one point and together we sang, “We can make it, step out and take it, we can’t live feeling so numb, how long can we hold on, can we hold on!”
The next song I remember was “The Older I Get” and turning to Alyssa towards the end of it, and saying, “You know what song is next don’t you?” Both of us smiled and knew it was time for…
‘The Last Night‘.
I heard the familiar piano opening and at once, my voice caught in my throat. With tears in my eyes, I held my arm tightly while John sang the first verse: “You come to me with scars on your wrist, You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this.”
flashback: standing on the bridge that horrible night
Then, back to reality at the concert. As I lifted my head and looked up to the stage with tears everywhere, I saw love for the 3rd time that night.
The song finished and went straight into ‘Better Than Drugs’ which is my favorite live song because of the guitar/lights combination…and I began to worship without intending to…which is the best kind. It was incredibly powerful; it was beyond words.
Here’s where it all blurs together.
Those Nights’ : crowd cam and curse my being short with tall people in front of me! I’m there, but it’s very hard to see me.
‘Forsaken’ : This song is how I got my bruises on my back and sides and my backs of my legs. Between people hitting into me and me hitting into others, it was very amazing. I will proudly bear these bruises.
‘Hero’ & ‘Monster’ : Beautifully Done.
I was screaming the lyrics and letting TOTALLY loose now. At one point after both songs, a guy in front of me turned and goes, “How do you KNOW the songs?!!?” And I screamed back, “Cuz I’m a dedicated Panhead that’s how!!!”
Somewhere before ‘Angels Fall Down’, I had to leave the center of the crowd where I was. There were some terribly rude guys who were big and kept hitting into people and thrashing around much more than was necessary and I wasn’t able to breathe enough and felt kind of sick so I had to get out of the center and get some oxygen. But…it was okay, it really was =] I viewed Angels, Savior and Best Kept Secret from the wings and it was beautiful.
‘Angels Fall Down’ : Best worship. I was exhausted already and could hardly raise my arms above my head and keep them there, but God’s strength kicked in and I kept them up for the remainder of the song.
At one point during the concert, John was amazed and let us know we were singing louder than the speakers J Proud moment right there because I knew I was giving it my all.
After the show, we charged straight for some water and then took off to find the band bus!
And HOLY MOLEY PEOPLE!!
Luckily, we got there early enough that we were close-ish to the front.
After waiting for what seemed like forever, the band came out one by one: Jonathan Chu (violinist), Jen Ledger (drums and some vocals), Ben Kasica (guitar), Korey Cooper (keys, guitar and vocals) and of course John Cooper (lead vocals, bass).
John & Korey took the longest to arrive and at least half the crowd had left by time they got there (they’re quite smart they are haha) and that’s okay, it was well worth the wait to meet my heroes <3
Meeting Each Member:
1. Chu: He is so cool. Poor guy had so many people’s things to sign at first!! BUT he’s awesome! We got a picture with him and we all look zany! Ha ha.
2. Jen: So sweet! She’s SUCH a sweetheart!! I told her she’s the best and she smiled and said “Aww! Thank you!” in her adorable accent. After taking my pic to sign, she joked, “Chu’s taking my spot man!” and we all laughed because he was! Lol.
3. Ben: Oh man this guy was awesome! At one point, he was crowd surfing with his guitar! Epic awesome! By the time he came out though, you could tell he was spent! Talk about exhausted! It was great meeting him though.
4. Korey: While she was walking out of the bus door, and still far enough away so that she wasn’t easily recognizable, I saw her and knew it was her (she’s so petite!) and I yelled, “We love you Korey you’re awesome!” And she smiled. When she got to us in the line of people, we chatted for a few minutes about how we’re always freezing but we live in Wisconsin anyway! Lol it was the best!
Finally…the most anticipated…
5. John: It was the best moment of my entire life <3
He came out and I screamed again (the whole, We love you John you’re awesome, thing…gotta show some love! Haha) and I got the crowd started cheering haha oops :P That’s what we get for recognizing him first ;)
So he got to us and Alyssa goes, “Do you like my shirt?” and she showed him the back & the peanut I had drawn and John goes, “Ohh! I’m a peanut TOO!” and he smiled and said he loved ALL of our shirts that we made (they all said Panhead on the front) and I gave him my picture to sign and he gave me a high five and I looked him in the eye and said, “You are my Hero” and it took him by surprise because he did a double take and then he broke into a special kind of smile. For the 4th time that night, I was hit with Love. This time was the deepest and I felt it dig in, to the very center of my core.
And…we left… and it will be forever burned into my memory and mind.
It hit me: No matter how tired they were, they still made time for their fans. That only makes them that much more awesome in my eyes.
Alyssa & I went back to her dad’s and could hardly sleep from excitement. We were also both pretty speechless…it was a good night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next day, I had to leave and it was painful because I wanted nothing more than to stay in Cedarburg with Lyssa <3
On the drive home (about 3 hours, give or take) I had my ipud on shuffle and lots of time to process and think. The song “You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews came on and I couldn’t stop the tears.
Love was shown to me yet AGAIN.
And I couldn’t stand being so full of it.
My ipud was on shuffle and as soon as that song ended, “Whispers in the Dark” from Comatose Comes Alive came on, and I was reliving the previous night all over again.
My body was shaking with sobs. I was overwhelmed again by God. And I was driving. Beautifully broken.
When I got home, my mom asked me what my opinion of the weekend was and what it all felt like.
“Love.” I said. “It felt like love.”
The day started out with Alyssa and I (and her sister Karlye) making shirts. The words “Panhead” on the front and various things on the back (shut up and rock!, I am a peanut, etc).
After shirts were done, we were off to the Concordia field house. We were there 40-45 minutes earl and there was already a line, after Lifest I should have known ha ha.
Regardless, we got in and were 3rd row, standing room only of course. Not the front, but for a first show, it was good enough J These 2 guys behind us were sitting and they complimented my epic jeans and asked me if I minded if they read them. I said “of course you can!” and continued talking to my friends. One of those same guys had a shirt on from the “Hey You I Love Your Soul” era! It said “I’m Locked” and I had to get a picture of it because I had never seen it before!
Well, the time passed quickly and Decyfer Down was up before I knew it. I don’t know their music very well, but I did listen to a few songs beforehand (I did my research haha). I love “Fading”, “Fight Like This” and “Crash”. Afterwards, I have decided I love them and need a cd or two J Yeah, working on that…
After a short break, Disciple was up and to be honest, I didn’t think too much of them right away, they seemed kind of screamy for my tastes, but after hearing “After the World” and the lead singer speak about love, I knew I loved them too. They are quite awesome.
In less time than Decyfer Down, it seemed, Disciple was over! By this point, my stomach was going mad and I could not think straight. Not even close to straight. My thoughts were a spinning blur. It was SO unreal. Me seeing Skillet. Dreams becoming a reality.
A part of me wanted to run. To escape. I was afraid. I have no idea why exactly, but it felt like the moment was too perfect & that something had to go wrong. Running is my way to cope with disappointment…and to be disappointed with this I knew I couldn’t stand, I was trying to protect myself.
But God is faithful and it was perfect.
Alyssa and I were chatty and could not stop smiling from ear to ear. Our conversations would start and stop and jump from things that had nothing to do with Skillet to the stage setup and back to Skillet again.
And then ScottyRock came out. And it was all over.
The lights turned off.
The crowd grew silent. (momentarily anyway)
The intro began with Jonathan Chu and his incredible violin solo.
Then Jen came out and she was smiling and emphasizing the downbeats perfectly.
Korey and Ben next, the volume level rising.
With each member’s entrance, the crowd got that much louder.
By the time John emerged, my heart was pounding so hard I am amazed it’s still beating properly.
Adrenaline pumping, hair flying, fist in the air and we were through ‘Comatose’.
Before I could even take a breath, the crowd was pressing in and I heard the beginning of ‘Whispers in the Dark’. This song was my saving grace last summer (2008) and if anyone wants to know why, ask and I’ll tell you later.
I was screaming as loud as I could and jumping around like mad. I have a large bruise below my right kneecap on my shin from jumping and having my purse hit my leg repeatedly.
Then they hit chorus.
And John screamed, “No! You will never be alone!”
And the tears began to fall.
Quickly and thickly they fell.
My vision was blurred, my body was shaking and I was sobbing.
Never alone.
God was wrapping Himself around me in complete fullness and it was so much more than I could take.
The empty parts were filled, the broken parts mended. Though the scars are many, I finally saw the love is more. <3
“I don’t want to live dying on the inside, because Your love is better than life.”
After whispers came ‘Collide’ and I was jumping and screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Alyssa and I met each other’s eyes at one point and together we sang, “We can make it, step out and take it, we can’t live feeling so numb, how long can we hold on, can we hold on!”
The next song I remember was “The Older I Get” and turning to Alyssa towards the end of it, and saying, “You know what song is next don’t you?” Both of us smiled and knew it was time for…
‘The Last Night‘.
I heard the familiar piano opening and at once, my voice caught in my throat. With tears in my eyes, I held my arm tightly while John sang the first verse: “You come to me with scars on your wrist, You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this.”
flashback: standing on the bridge that horrible night
Then, back to reality at the concert. As I lifted my head and looked up to the stage with tears everywhere, I saw love for the 3rd time that night.
The song finished and went straight into ‘Better Than Drugs’ which is my favorite live song because of the guitar/lights combination…and I began to worship without intending to…which is the best kind. It was incredibly powerful; it was beyond words.
Here’s where it all blurs together.
Those Nights’ : crowd cam and curse my being short with tall people in front of me! I’m there, but it’s very hard to see me.
‘Forsaken’ : This song is how I got my bruises on my back and sides and my backs of my legs. Between people hitting into me and me hitting into others, it was very amazing. I will proudly bear these bruises.
‘Hero’ & ‘Monster’ : Beautifully Done.
I was screaming the lyrics and letting TOTALLY loose now. At one point after both songs, a guy in front of me turned and goes, “How do you KNOW the songs?!!?” And I screamed back, “Cuz I’m a dedicated Panhead that’s how!!!”
Somewhere before ‘Angels Fall Down’, I had to leave the center of the crowd where I was. There were some terribly rude guys who were big and kept hitting into people and thrashing around much more than was necessary and I wasn’t able to breathe enough and felt kind of sick so I had to get out of the center and get some oxygen. But…it was okay, it really was =] I viewed Angels, Savior and Best Kept Secret from the wings and it was beautiful.
‘Angels Fall Down’ : Best worship. I was exhausted already and could hardly raise my arms above my head and keep them there, but God’s strength kicked in and I kept them up for the remainder of the song.
At one point during the concert, John was amazed and let us know we were singing louder than the speakers J Proud moment right there because I knew I was giving it my all.
After the show, we charged straight for some water and then took off to find the band bus!
And HOLY MOLEY PEOPLE!!
Luckily, we got there early enough that we were close-ish to the front.
After waiting for what seemed like forever, the band came out one by one: Jonathan Chu (violinist), Jen Ledger (drums and some vocals), Ben Kasica (guitar), Korey Cooper (keys, guitar and vocals) and of course John Cooper (lead vocals, bass).
John & Korey took the longest to arrive and at least half the crowd had left by time they got there (they’re quite smart they are haha) and that’s okay, it was well worth the wait to meet my heroes <3
Meeting Each Member:
1. Chu: He is so cool. Poor guy had so many people’s things to sign at first!! BUT he’s awesome! We got a picture with him and we all look zany! Ha ha.
2. Jen: So sweet! She’s SUCH a sweetheart!! I told her she’s the best and she smiled and said “Aww! Thank you!” in her adorable accent. After taking my pic to sign, she joked, “Chu’s taking my spot man!” and we all laughed because he was! Lol.
3. Ben: Oh man this guy was awesome! At one point, he was crowd surfing with his guitar! Epic awesome! By the time he came out though, you could tell he was spent! Talk about exhausted! It was great meeting him though.
4. Korey: While she was walking out of the bus door, and still far enough away so that she wasn’t easily recognizable, I saw her and knew it was her (she’s so petite!) and I yelled, “We love you Korey you’re awesome!” And she smiled. When she got to us in the line of people, we chatted for a few minutes about how we’re always freezing but we live in Wisconsin anyway! Lol it was the best!
Finally…the most anticipated…
5. John: It was the best moment of my entire life <3
He came out and I screamed again (the whole, We love you John you’re awesome, thing…gotta show some love! Haha) and I got the crowd started cheering haha oops :P That’s what we get for recognizing him first ;)
So he got to us and Alyssa goes, “Do you like my shirt?” and she showed him the back & the peanut I had drawn and John goes, “Ohh! I’m a peanut TOO!” and he smiled and said he loved ALL of our shirts that we made (they all said Panhead on the front) and I gave him my picture to sign and he gave me a high five and I looked him in the eye and said, “You are my Hero” and it took him by surprise because he did a double take and then he broke into a special kind of smile. For the 4th time that night, I was hit with Love. This time was the deepest and I felt it dig in, to the very center of my core.
And…we left… and it will be forever burned into my memory and mind.
It hit me: No matter how tired they were, they still made time for their fans. That only makes them that much more awesome in my eyes.
Alyssa & I went back to her dad’s and could hardly sleep from excitement. We were also both pretty speechless…it was a good night.
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The next day, I had to leave and it was painful because I wanted nothing more than to stay in Cedarburg with Lyssa <3
On the drive home (about 3 hours, give or take) I had my ipud on shuffle and lots of time to process and think. The song “You’re Not Alone” by Meredith Andrews came on and I couldn’t stop the tears.
Love was shown to me yet AGAIN.
And I couldn’t stand being so full of it.
My ipud was on shuffle and as soon as that song ended, “Whispers in the Dark” from Comatose Comes Alive came on, and I was reliving the previous night all over again.
My body was shaking with sobs. I was overwhelmed again by God. And I was driving. Beautifully broken.
When I got home, my mom asked me what my opinion of the weekend was and what it all felt like.
“Love.” I said. “It felt like love.”
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