tonight i got some of my closest friends together at an Isaiah 42:10 concert. jen & abbie know each other but they'd never met liz yet, and tonight she came too & i was so excited to hang out with them all at an Isaiah concert with some of my other really good friends. i thought i looked okay and i had on my new jeans & was feeling great, it was going to be a great night.
...and then an accident with a soda bottle and now i have a huge chunk of my front tooth missing. i look hideous, feel hideous and couldn't stay for the night. not only that but i didn't get to hang out with my friends. i couldn't laugh or smile or even talk really, i didn't want people to stare and laugh at me... so i went home.
abbie didn't mean to do it at all, she just tossed the bottle at me, i mean that could happen to anyone. when she felt bad it made ME feel bad but there was no way i could fix it =( i hate people being upset & down & sad and so i always try to make them smile & laugh and be happier but i had no way to fix this and that made me feel awful...it was my fault she felt bad & i just felt bad that i ruined everyone's night and then i pretty much left liz there with everyone she hardly knows which made me feel like a jerk, but she seemed ok with it & her & jen seemed to get alone okay when they stopped at my house to drop my wallet off later so i don't even know, maybe they'll be like other friends i've introduced who then become great friends & forget about me. *sigh* oh well. it's been one of those FML nights.
i feel so ugly and stupid and like such a freaking burden to everyone right now.
on days like this i hear that nagging voice in the back of my head that says if i would have just finished things a year ago, i wouldn't have to worry about this right now. that same voice was telling me that this was God telling me i wasn't meant to be beautiful. what does it matter really? guys don't like me nor do they care if i exist *shrug* i just took a handful of tylenol & naproxen so my mouth will quit hurting & my sleeping pill so hopefully i'll get to sleep soon. goodnight world.
tonight, "sorrow" by flyleaf is my song
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