My 90th Blog Post.

Wow 90.
I never thought someone could write so much about things in life and actually share them with people.

Well, today is bittersweet.

I got the job at Build-a-Bear Workshop & I'm getting paid above minimum wage so that is all incredibly excellent. I'm totally excited about working with kids all the time and the employees I've met so far all seem really awesome, the kind of people I would just LOVE to be around. Especially Adhelia (i THINK i spelled that right...i'm horrible with name spellings though so it could be wrong) pronounced Ah-deal-e-a. She is the assistant manager? I think? lol. Anyway she did my first interview & it just went SO amazingly, I absolutely love her personality and how she is so real with you. She seems like a really sweet, awesome person & I can't wait to get to know her more. Well today, I had the 2nd part of my interview where I met the store manager, Carrie. She said she's worked in retail for 15? (i think?) years [that is a crazy lot of years!!] and that Build-a-Bear is the best place she's ever worked, so that's very encouraging! All of the employee's I've met so far have all been very welcoming and energetic. I truly think this is the perfect job! Praise God!!! I've been in such a euphoric state all day...until tonight.


My best friend and I, Liz, have been getting into arguements practically non-stop it seems for the past year. All we do is fight over things that aren't important. 90% of the time, it's her accusing me of things or her jumping on my case for really insignificant things. For example, this last Sunday, I was sick ( I had just come down with a terrible awful cold) and instead of spreading it to people at church, my parents had me stay home & rest. For some reason I just CANNOT figure out, this made Liz incredibly furious. We've been texting on and off for about 2 days straight now with argument type stuff. She asked where I was Sunday morning and I said "I'm sick so I stayed home and rested" this answer wasn't good enough for her I guess because she jumped all over my case saying that I can't be a Christian and not go to church. (we've been arguing about this for some time now; I believe church is good, yes, and important, but not absolutely vital to a Christian's walk with God. I believe community is important and that we DO benefit greatly from going to church on Sundays, but that is not the ONLY place where we should be living out our faith, and Liz just cannot see that point.)

In addition to all of this, for quite some time now, she has been slowly replacing me with another friend of hers who I will call "A" so as not to name her. Now, I absolutely LOVE "A" because she is such a sweet girl and a lot of fun, I hold nothing against her. It's Liz who I am angry at because she compares me to "A" all the time. "Oh A is soo much better at bargain shopping and A knows how to make money stretch and A has such good relationships with her siblings and parents and A is such a good Christian all the time" and on and on and on and on. I HATE being compared to anyone. Yes I am WELL AWARE that I am not a perfect person, I am far from it, but for someone to constantly be pointing out my flaws and judging me on them, it really takes a toll on a person.

So, tonight, we have this pretty big blowout. And before it's even over, I know what's going to happen. I'm choosing what I say carefully, but it's like God is already telling me what's going to happen, and I don't like it. I did this once and to do it again is incredibly painful.

In short, (by Liz's decision and not mine) we are no longer best friends. I would go as far to say that we aren't even really friends anymore. She doesn't want to hang out or talk unless, by chance, we happen to be in the same place at the same time.

To say I'm devastated doesn't even begin to cover it.

Right now, I don't even know how to react.

I've cried a few tears but I know that does nothing.
I've considered numbness because it's easy and I know how to do it well.

I might be dropping out of my small group if it gets too hard. For all I know, I might end up working those nights anyway.

Okay well it's 1:15 a.m. and my heart is broken, no shattered, and I'm going to take some sleeping pills and crank up the Skillet on my headphones in hopes to fall asleep and forget this horrible, awful night.

Happy 90th Blog Day.