The Art of Breaking...Barriers??

Okay so...I don't usually blog everyday or blog like 2 days right in a row but tonight I've just been hit with something and if I don't write about it, I most likely won't remember it later on when I need to reflect on it.

Small group was tonight, at my house since Andrew's parents were here & Andrew and Lynette couldn't make it this week. Kelly & her husband Andrew also weren't at group because Andrew got inducted into Phi Theta Kappa (congrats man!) and so group was kinda small (lol we're never normally THAT big, but yea, group was kinda small, just 6 of us) and Simeon was leading (Bre was co-leading) and it was all VERY good.

The study we've been doing is on the Trinity & the different parts of them and that has conveniently been going right along with the book I've been reading ("The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer) so that's all really good, I've been learning a lot. Well, last week, Andrew B. gave us "homework". Earlier in the evening he had posed the question "if you could do anything that your heart desires, without worrying about expenses, responsibilities or anything, what would that be?" and several people didn't really know & had to think for quite awhile but so many things that have been happening in my life lately have had me thinking about this and I knew instantly what my answer was: "to travel the world and give people hope through music, whether it be rock or anything, i would LOVE to be a rockstar in a band and be able to give people (especially teenagers) hope that life is worth living because there is a God who loves us."

Well, Andrew B. challenged us for "homework" to take one step towards that "dream" i guess you'd call it. And well, I have taken a step. One, I got a job to start saving up the $ for LLSOW I guess is a step? And I've also made plans to visit the school...AND CARA!!!! (which is WAY more important than any school :P ) and I may even get to throw a Skillet concert in there (that's the hopes!! :D so pray for that to go through!! lol!!) Anyway, that was the challenge.

So, tonight after group, I turn my computer back on and check thing and see that a few friends have posted blogs & I go to read them, because I am a faithful blog reader. And I get to one, Cara's where she wrote about prophecies people have spoken over her (never mind the thought of whether or not you believe in that, it's not pertinent to my point) and I was reading one of them that said that she needed to let go of certain things or God will break down the barriers. I've pretty much had it in my head that one of the few things tying me to this town & specific place are my friends and family, my dad's health isn't the best and any day he could be gone you know?

Well, it's no secret, nor do I want it to be, that Liz and I are no longer best friends. Apparently all those years mean nothing, but I'm not bitter, just sad. Last night the fighting ceased when Liz posed the question "What do we do about this?" referring to the fact that anymore we're always constantly fighting or arguing about things that really shouldn't matter that much, for example, me missing church because I was sick, somehow that REALLY angered her, I have yet to understand why. We were trying to come to some sort of agreement and I asked her what she thought and her reply was, " I think we both want our friendship to be the same as it was when we were younger and that neither of us likes or wants to accept that the other has changed." I responded with "Yeah I guess that's true but what does that have to do with solving this problem?" and she answered me, "I don't think we can be best friends anymore. Aquaintances sure, you know, if we see each other that's cool but I don't think we should make plans to hang out anymore." And I just agreed because if that is truly how she feels then there really isn't anything I can do to change things. I can't change who I am nor do I have the ability to change how what she has become. So I let it go. Not without pain and definitely not without tears. There is a lot I am going to miss. So many things that will not be the same.

But here it is, what really hit me tonight: maybe God did this for a reason. If I really AM going to be moving in just a year or two, the less attachments I have, the easier it will be to go right? To go back to Cara's blog post, if I just let go and let God, will this truly be easier than having Him break the walls down? I believe so. Right now, I'm unsure of how to do this exactly, but I guess trust in Him is a great place to start.

To echo the words of Elisabeth Elliot:

"How can God work His will in me if I am clogged with wishes of my own? Thy will be done."