Obscure Dream from Last Night

So....I totally had this obscure dream last night and it had a friend in it...and it was just odd and had a feeling to it like it could come true, so that's weirdness for me...anywho:


I was at this coffeehouse type place and I was pretty down and depressed and Skillet was performing (who else? lol) and it was kind of a dark and dingy kinda place and I was slouched
over on a table in the back corner while Skillet was soundchecking. I had come alone because...I just, WAS alone, (idk lol) and John's up checkin his bass and Jen's bangin on her drums and they step offstage for whatever bands do before they actually perform and I went up to get a cup of something to drink and during this whole dream, my pretense of being at the concert is to see Skillet in concert one last time before killing myself pretty much (it's just a dream people) and so I'm very sad and down and I'm thinking "one more shot of caffeine before i'm done" and I don't even bother to see who is behind me in line or around me for that matter, I'm too lost in my own thoughts. My order is up and I pass the cash to the clerk behind the counter and make my way back to my seat, not even bothering to wait for my change.

As I locate my seat in the dark coffeehouse, I flip open my bag and pull out a tattered composition book. The cover of this book I have inscribed with "The End"; it's the place I have chosen to record my last thoughts.

Sitting in the 'Corner Coffee' coffee shop, waiting for the show to begin... I pen down with a burgundy colored ink. One last cappuccino before....and one last Skillet show before.... As I'm struggling to finish these phrases, a very familiar riff begins and before I know it, the lights have faded to an eery dimness and Skillet has begun rocking the walls off the shop. I just sit there, feeling so numb to the world that when John bellows out "YOU'RE BREAKING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" I feel nothing...not a thing. I am sure God has completely abandoned me at this point (note: this is JUST a dream!!) and though I cannot shed a tear, the urge is there and I have to release it somehow, so I grab my bag and rush to the bathroom, not realizing it as my notebook clatters to the floor.

I push my way past the scratched wooden door and as I close the stall door behind me, I drop to my knees, letting my bag come to a stop beside me. Reaching into a very familiar compartment, I pull out a very friendly foe, a blade I know all too well. Frantic is the word I would use to describe the way I roll up my sleeve, only to be ashamed at the sight I am forced to see... I search for a blank spot to do what I feel I must, and with no success, I force open old wounds.

As soon as I can breathe normally again, I collect myself, clean up and trudge to the sink where I take care of all evidences that I had just cut. I dab my moist arm with a paper towl and push it to the bottom of the garbage can. I get my sleeve rolled down just in time because the bathroom door is opening a crack. "Just a moment" I mutter and as I glance up, I nearly faint because of the face I see....

"Mary! What are you doing here?!?!" I can barely choke the words out, as I hastily cram my blade back into my bag, hoping she won't notice.

"Liz! I'm so glad to see you!!" she squeals as we embrace each other. "I was in the area, visiting a friend who happens to live about thirty minutes away from here. While I was driving to her house, my sister called to inform me Skillet was performing at this coffee house and well, I don't think I have to explain the rest..." she winks.

"Aww! Well I'm soooo glad you are here!" I exclaim. Secretly, I hope she does not notice the look in my eyes or realize my sleeve is still wet from the water I did not get mopped up.

"Well, to be completely honest..." she hesitates, "I was behind you in line when you ordered your coffee and I hadn't realized it was you until I returned to my seat and you took off for the rest room....you see, because you left in such a hurry, I think...this fell out of your bag..." Before I can think twice about what would have fallen out, she produces my suicide journal.

"Oh, yeah, that..." I mumble nervously, "It's um, a project for school, I have to write this paper and--" But, she cuts me off "Liz, please do not get angry, but I'd wondered who it belonged to, and so, I...I kind of read a little bit of the latest entry... and..."

Before I can even start to blush, she grabs me in the most secure hug ever.

"Liz I do not want you to go through with this." she looks at me nervously, trying to read my face. "You know this isn't right, please don't leave this world this way. You're here seeing Skillet, this just doesn't make sense to me, can you help me understand what you're going through?"

She lets me go and holds me by the shoulders. "Just tell me one thing...have you been cutting again?" I look away and barely whisper, "Just a little..." as she reaches for my arm, I go limp and fall to my knees, not able to stand anymore, just too weak. I can't even bear to see what her face looks like as she rolls up my shirt sleeve, can't even breathe straight. Pretty soon, tears of shame flood my eyes and I cannot stop crying.

Mary just hugs me and whispers, "It will be okay, it will be okay..." Until the tears slow to a stop she just sits with me and hugs me. "Do you think you'll be able to come back to the concert?" she asks.

"Yes," I answer confidently, "I can feel...everything now...I'm not numb anymore...and I know it will all be okay." As I finish my sentence, I feel a smile form at the corners of my mouth...something I haven't known for many months.

"Alright! Let's go hurt our necks headbanging!" Mary gushes excitedly as we practically run out the door.



and the last thing I remember about the dream was headbanging in front row to "The Last Night" with Mary beside me, and looking up at John Cooper & seeing him wink at me, like he knew everything.


A very bizarre dream altogether, but well, it's not like I planned it...I can't believe I even remember it all... but, well, Mary, even though it was just a dream, thank you...from the bottom of my heart <3 3 ="]