Free. Freedom. Grace. Forgiveness. Love.

Free. Freedom. Grace. Forgiveness. Love.



Today, for the first time in...awhile.... I experienced all five of these....all kind of at the same time...it was incredibly overwhelming, but in a good way...in a very good way. I don't completely understand how it works, but I know it happened. So what went down to bring this about? I'm glad you asked :)

Tuesday...today...was incredibly busy and crazy for me. I did not sleep well last night at all (when do I ever?!) and so I let myself sleep in until 9 and even though I was still half dead, I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for SGA stuff. I had a March Committee/Rec Room Committee meeting at 11 and then at 12:30 we had our weekly SGA meeting. After that, Mary and I had to do sidewalk chalk for the March Madness Brackets and I was even able to talk some people into filling out a bracket.

As soon as I finished cleaning up from the chalk, I was off to my car and headed back to the Burg. I made a quick pit-stop at home to grab Liz Vogel's birthday present & card and to change my shoes then I was off again, this time I was headed to the church. On Sunday night, I had asked Ben if he had any books for learning about Christianity (for a friend of mine who has an interest in things, but no background or history of the basic workings of Christianity). At the time, Ben was getting ready to leave (this was after X-Roads) and I said no problem, I'd stop up later on this week. Considering I'm leaving for Empower on Thursday, and have classes all day on Wednesday, I knew Tuesday would be my only available time to stop and see him. My plan was to stop by & see Ben, get the book(s) and then be off once more to visit my bestie on her birthday :)

Well, when I arrived at church, I knew Kathy would be in the sound booth working on worship team stuff (cuz I'd seen her car when I pulled in) and I figured I might as well say hi and see if Liz happened to be there with her. Of course, Liz was not there (she was doing her schoolwork, lol a very good idea :P ) but I chatted with Kathy for a bit because she told me Ben was in a meeting with someone else, so I figured I might as well wait with her than wait outside Ben's office, so we chatted and she showed me this song called "Healer" by Hillsong. Apparently, the worship team is working on it for the future, so stay tuned folks! Haha, okay, I should skip the radio announcer routine and continue on with my blog...okay so Kathy showed me this vid and we were discussing the music that always tends to walk out of the worship team files and how for one song, just recently, the ENTIRE file disappeared, and how ridiculous it is that people are just taking things when they could at least ask for a copy. Anyway, I must have talked with Kathy for a good 20 minutes, and I decided to go check & see if Ben was done with his meeting with Jeff Shelton, and when I got back by the office, I was kind of sidetracked by Tracy. I love helping her out, and she didn't really have me do anything strenuous but it still distracted me....lol...like many things *rolls eyes*

Anywho, I ended up in Ben's office like half an hour after I first arrived at church...so typical ^_^
And when I walked in, he was listening to the song "Healer" and I think it's funny how him and Kathy think alike, cuz this is the 2nd time that has happened, first with "Overcome" and now with this one...haha it's fun for me. *continuing on with story* Ben was talking about the guy who wrote the song and it was really cool to hear the history of these kinds of songs, because they are so powerful, it just shows how God uses everything, no matter the past of it. Eventually, I asked Ben whether or not he'd found the books he said he'd look for and he started pulling a few off his shelves and handed me 3 so I get to look those over so I can get them to my friend, and hopefully they will help answer some of her pressing questions.

I was just making up my mind to leave and head off to Liz's when Ben looked at me and said "I feel like there is something you need to be free of, and I hope you don't mind me asking and saying this, but are you okay with me bringing this up?" (or something to that effect, like I can remember exact words.) And I was kind of hesitant, because, sometimes you just never know what's going to happen when people say that, but I trust Ben completely and I swallowed and said "Sure, okay, what's up?" And he started talking about something that had come up nearly 2 years ago, with a situation and a couple of emails we had exchanged and after he had said it, I think he had thought I had lied to him about something, but it was just a circumstance that could have been me lying (but actually was not, it was just a misunderstanding with him) and after we had settled it, he asked if we were "cool" (haha old people trying to be hip...just kidding Ben, you're um...very...young ;)

Well, 5-10 minutes later I did finally leave church and I was on my way to Liz's house, ipud cranked up with some Skillet and the breeze blowing through my car. It wasn't until I was nearly to her house that I realized, something in my soul, my spirit, something...had lifted and felt lighter...I was very much confused and I guess the conclusion I have come to was that there really was something there weighing me down, something I hadn't even known existed until today. I still do not completely understand what happened, what changed, what's different, but I know there's something...and it's for the better and definitely not worse. So if anyone has any insight here on what happened, that would be appreciated....

Now how does this all relate to the first 5 words of this blog? Free: how I feel, even though I cannot explain it. Freedom: what I am working on, there are still a few things I need to release to God, really hard things, but I'm working on it, it goes hand in hand with this situation, there is more freedom now than before. Grace: something I'm experiencing in a new way, partially because of this situation, but mostly over other issues that I am dealing with. Forgiveness: something very hard for me to accept right now. I'm really struggling with it, which seems totally stupid because it's such a simple concept. Love: something that correlates with each of the other words, something I really really struggle with almost everyday. All of these pertain to this blog because in some way, each word is bound to what happened today, and not just the thing with Ben, but other stuff I didn't mention.

So yeah. Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woo.