The Best Dream Ever Followed by a Day of Failure.

So...here's the lowdown on today and all of my shame pertaining to what happened.

I was checking my facebook before dinner and listening to some good ol' Linkin Park (twilight soundtrack...ya!!) and a friend of mine popped up on facebook chat and started talking to me about this conference in March that my best friend and I are going to to help out and do a VBS kind of thing with the kids....well, the lady in charge of setting up the kids' program, Randy started talking to me about how my best friend did not want to room with me and how I was not going to be working with the same age group of kids she was either. I was very much confused by this because the last I had checked, we were together and both of us were looking forward to the whole thing. Well, apparently Randy said that my best friend had requested to NOT be with me and to room with another friend of ours instead...because her parents are "over protective"...and I know that is a downright lie because her parents know me and do not mind me in the least bit...I'm one of her parent's more favored friends (partially because I don't dress and act skankily). Well anyway, this made me extremely upset. The thought that my BEST friend was ditching me (for the 2nd time in a month) was very much gut wrenching. And as anyone who reads this blog knows, I do not handle my emotions well...especially when I cannot leave my room. So yes, I resorted to something I never should have even considered. And guess what? I can't wear t-shirts for awhile now =( And the guilt. Good lord the guilt.... Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to listen to John Cooper singing about it being the last night I'll spend alone and that I've got a Savior who is there who tells me that "No! You'll never be alone!" And to top THAT all off, in the wee hours of this morning, I had THE best dream I have ever had in my entire life (that I remember of course) I penned it into my dream journal but of course I shall share it here as well. Well, this last weekend I was FINALLY able to get the "Comatose Comes Alive" cd/dvd....my parents would not let me do pre-order because they said "You can wait" and my life has been so incredibly busy that I have not been able to get to one of the larger cities around to purchase it. So, I've been listening to the cd nonstop since getting it and I've been watching the dvd until well after midnight when I am supposed to be sleeping. And well, last night I fell asleep listening to the cd so perhaps that triggered this dream, I do not know. Without further ado: the best dream in the entire world. involving skillet :)

Scene: my backyard, in a funky gray lighting

So I'm the host/person in charge of this giant concert right? And who else is performing but the most amazing band Skillet!!? Well, I'm the director person and when my dream begins I am running around doing things for the show, seeing to it that certain things are done etc etc...basically I am so busy I do not get a chance to even sit down for a moment. Well, after awhile of running around doing things and such, my mother (of all people my mother!!) comes up to me and reports to me that the members of Skillet have arrived and are ready to get their equipment set up and start soundcheck as soon as possible. "Okay" I say, "I'll let the stage hands know." And I'm off again. My first thought is "YES! I WILL FINALLY GET TO MEET JOHN COOPER and the rest of them!!!!" ((this is monumental because John Cooper is my hero and the songs he has written have literally saved my life at key moments)) And I'm super psyched (in my dream). Well, before I know it, the band is set up and on stage and warming up and doing their sound check and the audience is arriving! Oh the people!!! Once again, I am off running around, darting from place to place making sure things are running as smoothly as possible. Well, the next part of the dream I recall, I am at the complete back of the crowd of people and Skillet is performing "Whispers in the Dark" and from that they go straight into "The Last Night"....the two songs that saved my life....and I keep looking and looking but I am so unbelievably far away that I can hardly make out John or Korey or anyone on stage really...and I'm very disappointed. Next memory: the show is over and I am sinking into the most horribly disappointed depression ever. They're gone, and along with them went my one and only chance to meet them. Extremely sad, to the point of sorrow, I sit down on an empty bench, and look around at the aftermath of the show. No one else is around, it is just me, sitting on this bench. ((for the record, there IS no bench in my backyard!!)) and I just put my head in my hands and cry. I cry for quite sometime. My body is bent over and my head is near my knees, my arms laying out for the world to see. For one instantaneous moment, I think that fearful thought "someone is going to see my scars!" and I nearly move my arm, but then I realize I am alone and no one really cares anyways. So I continue crying. At this point, I KNOW my makeup is totally smeared and I'm a mess. I've been crying so hard that breathing has become a task and I try to slow myself down and catch my breath but I just cry harder. Well, after the longest time of crying I finally stop sobbing and tears just slowly trickle down my cheeks and onto the dusty ground. I start to wonder what anyone could see in me as a person and all these negative thoughts bounce around in my head and....someone puts their hand on my left arm...right over my scars, the fresh ones and those that have somewhat faded. My breath catches in my chest and my heart stops. I glance up partially and that is when I see the shoes. I know those shoes. I know who the person is. I look at my arm and notice the tattoo on the ring finger. The tears fall faster now as I look into the eyes of the one and only John Cooper. I am surprised to see that he has tears too...and I realize they are for me. Words fail me and I'm unable to move. The tears keep falling and then John makes a move. He embraces me without a word and simply hugs me. Then he whispers, "You are not alone, from now on you will never be alone." And then I wake up :( that was seriously THE worst time to wake up. You tell me, wouldn't you rather have that dream than your reality??? I know I sure would. *sighs and posts this blog*