In the Face of Eternity.

I've been thinking a lot about this concept lately...in the face of eternity, what do things mean?

So many adults and people tell me, "Go to college and get your degree, you will get job security and blah blah blah."

But I have problem with this.

I think it is SO hard to go to a non-Christian college and maintain my walk.
At least it's been like that for me this entire year.

I mean, it's not like I'm just being lazy (although that is part of it some days)
but I am really frequently exhausted and drained (mentally AND physically) and
I feel inadequate ALL the time.

My older brother who I used to look up to a lot (who went to college for something like
6 years or something...crazy I know), the last time I saw him, was giving me the 3rd degree
for not attending a 4 year UW school right away. His words were "Why didn't you go to
UW Madison? You could have gotten in!" These words crushed me.

One: because I felt like I do everytime someone belittles my school.
Just because it is a 2 year campus does NOT mean it's a pansy school.

Two: because of the comment, I feel stupid for having hard times with things at my school now.
Math is hard for me and so are a lot of other things, I'm not the intellectual genius
he is and I don't try to be.

I HATE feeling inadequate and stupid but everytime I turn around, someone or something
is bringing me down.

And is it all because of college??!

So my question is this: in the face of eternity, will it matter if I make a triple figure salary?
Will it matter if I have my masters degree in education? Will it even matter if my gpa was higher
than a 3.0?!

the answer to all of these is no.

what WILL matter is how well I served God and lived for Him.

I've been struggling SO hard lately with these feelings, like there is nothing I can do
to be good enough and that college just feels wrong.

As of right now, I'm going to get my Associate's Degree and take a year off and do some soul
searching...or maybe by then I'll know what God wants from me because honestly, getting my
4 year degree and being depressed and secluded from people all the time is not good for me... I hate it and I would do anything to live a different life. This all feels so wrong and I cannot stand it for much longer.

In the face of eternity, what is a decision anyway?