Empty Weekend

Friday, class til 4, don't usually get home til 4:30, but now I take Alissa home so its a few more minutes...no big deal really. Obviously the world is against me. I'm going MAYBE 25 mph, if that, and I'm heading around this curve and paying attention and everything and all of a sudden we are sliding and I freak. I cranked the wheel one way (and it was locked) and then once it unlocked I had cranked it the other way and Alissa and I ended up spining around 360 and hitting a snowbank which happened to crack my front left fender a bit, but nothing too serious...at least I hope not, my mom and I both looked at it and decided its not too bad. So I dropped Alissa off and went home, still shaking and fully believing I was meant to die...it was a very bizarre circumstance I kid you not...well anyway, I get home and I am terrified to tell my parents (mostly my dad) what happened; anyone who knows my family would understand. The whole way home my mind raced with thoughts of stories I could make up...hit and run in the school parking lot etc etc...and I finally decided I HAD to tell the truth because I quite honestly deserved whatever my parents would have to say about it. I told my mom and she checked out the damage and said she fully believed it was not my fault and she said she wasn't angry with me at all. My dad still does not know and I dread him finding out, but moving on with the story. So I get home and I had planned on baking a cake for this reunion party I was going to, but obviously I did not have the a)time or b)focus to do that once I got home. Party started at 5:30, I got home at 5:15. I begged my mom to take me to the grocery store to grab some stuff and then drop me off so I would not have to get back into my car, and she agreed. Okay, party, totally fine, great fun, good times with people I have really really missed, I thought my week was turning around. Well, went to the show choir competition on Saturday in Sauk and got to see the Choraliers make it into finals (as of right now, I do not know how they have done/are doing in finals, but they made finals). It was a TON of fun at first, Liz, Ashley, Cindy and I...it was the most fun ever...but then I happened to look to where the Choraliers were sitting cuz Ashley had poked me and said someone was doing the robot (oh Andrew, so funny and entertaining!) and so I looked up and saw my nightmarish past staring back at me. Exbest friend and all. 3 words: could. not. breathe. Tight chest, not being able to think clearly, couldn't really hear the people around me...it was seriously awful. In half a heartbeat, it was like the beginning of Summer 2008 all over again...and sadly the first thing I wanted to reach for was what I knew I mustn't even consider. It has now been 4-5 hours and I am still tensed and still uneasy. I say no and then hear a VERY clear explanation why it would be completely justifiable... How do I feel? Linkin Park, "Numb" that is how I feel...between their song "Numb" and "Easier to Run" I am basically a mixture of those two songs. Well I have blogged and gotten the words out of my system for now. I suppose we shall wait and see how the CATS do in sauk :) peace.