Okay, so my junior year of high school, which is close to 3 years ago, there was this pretty big incident that happened with a guy at my school. This guy happens to be the son of the associate pastor at our church, who I am pretty close to. However!! He moved away to finish his senior year in Oklahoma and is now going to college there BUT his dad, Ben, is getting ordained on the 7th of June...and he is coming home. I hate facing my past...quite frankly it terrifies me. He was here for Christmas and ended up at the Christmas Eve service & I could tell he wanted to say something to me, but I was a HUGE chicken and kept my back turned to where he was and kept up a conversation with my 2 sisters the whole time...luckily they understood enough to keep it going. I hate the feeling that comes with it because it was a huge mistake I made,, one of the biggest screw ups I've ever done, and every time he is around, my heart pounds like crazy and it's really hard for me to breathe...like a panic attack. AND to make things worse...after I am able to escape being around him or whatever, I *always* get that panicky self injury feeling again.
So basically, I'm terrified out of my wits to go to this ordination thing, but I know it's a huge deal for Ben & I really want to be there & support him, he has meant a lot to me in the past 2 years.... *facedesk* Anyone want to chip in and get me a plane ticket to Texas? One way? Cuz that would be lovely :)
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