i remember...

so many things i miss. so many things my life no longer has. here's a small list.

i miss....

-laying under the stars on a blanket, with skillet and disciple playing as we talked about everything, making wishes on the falling stars and imagining pictures and shapes.

-headbanging in the pouring rain.

-pachew pachew.

-photography excursions. i've barely touched my camera lately.

-getting texts on break or at 3a.m. that are just meant to make me smile.

-having someone to talk to

-laughing. a lot.

-forgetting what crying myself to sleep was.

-foot jokes.

-looking at concert pictures from april. it's too hard now.

-how amazing it was to come home from my first rock concert and have someone to share it with

-happiness.

however...

it's never going to be like that again.

i want things to be different.

i want to not break down every single night and barely make it through the day.

i want to be happy and not try and escape things.

i don't want to hurt myself anymore.

can i just be with Jesus please? i would give anything.