explosion.

"all i want is You and all i need is found only in Your heart"

this little catchy worship hook has been sung fairly often lately in the prayer room.
(ihop.org) and it's been stuck in my head.

it's forcing me to focus on what i ought to be focusing on.

it's so hard for me.

i want to be out there.

DOING.

making a difference.

i honestly feel so useless.
it probably wouldn't be so bad except i think i have cabin fever

in the way that i want to get out of town, do something adventurous.

truthfully, it's been since November and my life needs more excitement.

i keep longing for and wishing for a way out of the drab of normal living.

i've never liked routine. waking up, going to work, doing chores, church on sunday,

homegroup on wednesday..like... it just doesn't ever feel good to me. i'm not content

with the same thing for weeks on end. i CRAVE unpredictability and change and more.

i've been wrestling with the question lately of "what if God means for my life to be

simple like this?" and the only answer i've come up with is one of not understanding.

why would i be longing for something else then?

i swear. i need something unpredictable to blow me away. preferably soon.