the light meets the dark...years later.

relentless.

He is so relentless.

after a week and a half of very hard days and nights, i believe He is changing me to see something new.

You make all things new.

i think that if we didn't resist Him, there would be so many things we wouldn't learn.
don't misunderstand me... i wish my heart could be completely His 24/7, every second of everyday.

but i know that i fail.

and i do hate that i fail Him.

it does cause me deep sorrow.

but in brokenness, there is restoration.

in emptiness, there is a filling.

where there is death, there is also new life.

even Paul says that the darkness only shows the beauty and brightness of God's perfect Light.

in the infamous words of Jon Foreman,

"the shadow proves the sunshine"

i hate the week before joint meetings (journal blog)

i always dread the weeks prior to joint meetings.

(preface: for anyone who reads my blog & doesn't know, i belong to a church body that has several congregations and once every few months, all of the congregations get together on a Sunday morning and have our church meetings together. we typically gather in a school auditorium though, we've also been known to meet other places. we call these joint meetings.)

the week before joint meetings, the enemy ALWAYS (it NEVER fails) attacks me. hardcore. emotionally, spiritually, physically...whatever he can get his grubby hands on... that's where the attack is.

well this week has been one of those weeks.
i went home last weekend to visit my family & my brother was home visiting from Utah so it was a great time, better than most times when i visit my parents anyway. minor things irritated me and i did get into a pretty serious fight with my dad, but we made up and moved on right? so...why do i say it's been such an annoying week?

just little things i suppose.

everyday i seem to wake up ridiculously irritable.
cranky as all get out.
physically, i'm just exhausted.
emotionally, i feel so empty and i don't want to be around people at all.
i've been really off kilter at work and the things that usually come easy to me feel like i'm swimming upstream.

a friend of mine asked me to do this art project for him.
normally? not a problem at all right?

not this week.

the only thing i can accurately feel is irritation and frustration this week.

i don't even know why.

i just know that i hate the week before joint meetings.

whatever you're up to God, i hope it smashes the enemy's face into the dirt.
i'm really sick of him right now.

glory to the King who is in control!!

40 days of....water?

40 DAYS OF WATER.

SERIOUSLY MIKE DONEHEY?

hmm but is it really that bad?

no.
i do not believe it is.

i've been thinking about this ALL day since i first learned what it was....
it's kind of a Lent thing but not exactly i mean i'm not catholic and don't celebrate Lent
but i was thinking that maybe i should do something this year. i'd been thinking that all day

right? sooo no soda. no milk. no coffee. no tea. 40 days. only water.

maybe just the month of march. that could be fun. no soda? crazy but fun i think.

i love how this blog has become a place i can journal.

i feel like crap tonight. all i want is to talk to Mary and laugh a little bit but instead
i'm going to sleep at 11:25pm. **sigh** someday i will have friends and laughter again.

can it be summer yet?

what He saw.

“What was” A man Righteous in the sight of God, condemned by the men He was destined to save. Crucified by the ones He loved beaten by the ones He held. Cursed by the ones He forgave. “What I saw” It was my pride that pressed the crown of thorns into His brow. My transgression held the hammer that pounded in the nails, my anger that held the whip tightly between my fingers. “What was” It was my sin that He bled for, my sin that He carried the cross to the hill on Calvary, my sin. “What He did” He uttered not one curse, He breathed not one breath of anger. For my every grin and sneer was a tear He cried. His lips last utterance was forgiveness and love. And there I stood before the cross cursing Him with all my sin. But that’s not “what He saw” He saw a man before a cross, on his knees with his face to the ground. He saw not a hammer in my hand but the living word of God, He saw not the whip between my fingers but the laying on of hands for the sick, He saw not pride pressing in the crown of thorns but humility pressing for the crown of His sufferings, He saw not a man cursing in sin, but a man praising in righteousness made whole and standing before and empty cross for the Savior had risen! What we saw and what was are stark differences. He saw what was, because He saw what the Father saw. He lived in faith, not believed in it, but lived in it. He saw the evidence of things unseen. We could not see, for we did not have faith, not even of a mustard seed. He saw it and His tears were also the rejoicing of His sufferings and the reward of His promises! Why do you think He said, when I come back… Will I find faith? Will He?

"I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?"

losing expectations & changes.

please note, i have a new blog and currently post there more frequently than here. web address is www.bandmonkey08.wordpress.com i may copy some posts here, but for the most part that is where i will be posting. thanks for all those who read along, if there are even any of you left.

change is a good title to my blog post today.

i chopped my hair off. like...REALLY off. it's extremely short, not like buzz cut but it's definitely shorter that i have ever gone before.

but that is exactly what i wanted. i contemplated going even shorter than this. didn't do it thought. everyone keeps asking for pictures but i don't currently have any sorry. i mean i took a few but i don't think any turned out really, plus it's almost 11 and plus my hair is really curly since i showered. i hate that it does that. why can't it just lay flat or be in ringlets? why this messed-up, i'll-do-what-i-want-to business? anyway, i digress.



changes! yes. oh and lowering of expectations, which is included in the changes.

you might ask what expectations i'm lowering and i will tell you.

when i first moved here i was excited to meet new people, excited to have new friends to hang out with and enjoy life with.

i was excited to stop being such a flippin introvert.



these ideals have proved to be completely inaccurate of how things really are here.

i have only 3 people that i've hung out with, 2 of them being friends that i had before i moved here and the other one? oh in a few weeks she moves back home to Canada, i'll probably never see her again. strike one.

this all just really makes me curious...what makes me such an outcast? do i give off a weird vibe to people? am i awkward? is there something i'm supposed to DO that i've not DONE? i don't know. but today i made some changes to me. my hair is gone, and i bought a sketch book.

give me some utensils, my sketchbook and my notebook, a warm slightly breezy day by the lake filled with sunshine and my ipod, and i am perfectly content.

lonely perhaps, but it's what i'm going to have to get used to. i've determined you see, to get better at writing and get better at art since i suck at both. considering i don't hang out with anyone or really know anyone and i don't work THAT much, i do believe i will have tons of plenty of time to do this.



here's to becoming better at being alone. huzzah.

a new blog and some changes.

dear friends who read my blog, i have created a new blog at

www.bandmonkey08.wordpress.com

possibly i'll still update this one, maybe i'll be able to link it but no promises.

i really love the layout and theme of wordpress, so yeah.

that is all :)

hope you still follow along! :) :) :)