Thursday, December 10, 2009

is it possible to forget how to hope?

i don't know what's happened but the last couple of weeks i've just been so... depressed. it's ridiculous. i don't have any reason to be. but i am. i hate how people get worried because i want to just be happy and fix myself so they don't have to worry, but i really don't know how.

i wish i knew what happened to change things so suddenly. i wish i knew why i feel so insignificant. i remember the ideas i had, back when i was going to change the world, tell people about jesus and show them love. be a light.

now i feel like i'm unimportant with no worth. honestly, what good is my life doing? i don't see anything. i look at people like billy graham, john cooper, kevin young, jamie tworkowski...they are changing lives every. single. day. RADICALLY. but then..what am i doing? i wish i could say that at least one person is going to see jesus because of me but i can't say that even. i am such a failure it's ridiculous.

i don't understand why i'm so apathetic about Christmas. it's like everything that once held hope for me has been drained from me, taken away suddenly and i have nothing left.

i'd prefer to not have comments on this please. i know how pathetic it is.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe you're going about it wrong. Spreading Jesus isn't the thing that people need. It's a surefire way to be ignored and get a door slammed in your face. Hearing about Jesus isn't going to help anyone, that's an experience people need to go through if that be the path they choose to take. Hope doesn't mean Jesus, believe me it doesn't. But the other things that give people hope could indirectly lead people to Jesus. For example, help someone who really needs it, like the homeless guy who has been sleeping in the stairwell of my apartment building. Accidentally leaving some spare change in the corner. And so on... A nice gesture gives people hope, people who are in desperate situations and find a glimmer of hope can find a glimmer of God from that. Preeching scripture and saying that God is showing you what you're "destined" to do isn't going to open people's eyes to Religion it's going to make them turn their backs, even the ones who have religion- because they don't understand why God will help one person but won't help them. You can't expect to change lives, especially when you're young and are probably only around the same groups of people most of the time. It takes years and a lot of failures to make a huge difference.

Lethie said...

OK "anonymous" you need to get a life. its obvious you dont have jesus in your life and you know NOTHING about being a christian. otherwise you would know if god does something good for those around you you are supposed to be happy for them and draw hope from it. because if he can do it for them he could also be doing it for you. and next time you put one of these rediculous comments dont be such a coward and put your name instead of hiding behing "anonymous" all the time. its quite cowardly. and im getting sick of you talking about of rubbish all over lizs blog. this is meant for her FRIENDS not YOU go away and leave her alone

Yahweh said...

I know quite a bit about being Christian seeing how I've been Catholic my entire life. I'm sorry it's not your brand of Christian. I was merely pointing out the fact that people who have religion and try to follow God's path can still stray from it. People that strive to be great Christians can stray from the path and still be Christian. Just because people don't see things in the same way that you do or don't believe the same thing about God's intentions doesn't make them less of a Christian than the two of you. Either way that's beside the point of the comment I made in the first place. Everyone has a different way of thinking and appreciating things, so you can't assume that people are going to see one person getting all of God's glory as a great thing for them and draw hope from it like you may see it. People don't all think the same. Every church practices religion in different ways but it doesn't make what they believe different. And no particular way makes them better Christians. My comment was not intended to be rude or anything of the sort, it was merely to point out that if she feels her way of trying to make a difference isn't working perhaps a different method would give her more success. It was supposed to be helpful encouragement. If she is intending to only help Christians find Jesus then I am very wrong in my suggestions and I apologize for that. I thought perhaps she was just trying to make a difference in a life in general. If you're going to have bias along the lines of what being a true Christian is then you're not Christian at all. And if you're going to bias whose life you try to make a difference in then you most likely will never actually make a difference. Open mindedness and accepting the things you cannot change are the foundation of religion and belief in God. If you're supposed to love everyone the same, why does it seem that you hate me? I was only trying to help, I never meant any harm by my words.

Liz said...

dear anonymous poster: you're not so anonymous and i know who you are so please just freaking sign your name already i'm getting very frustrated with you. don't be a wimp. say it to my face (so to speak).

Lethie said...

"anonymous" i do not hate anyone, i am just very sick of you kicking my friend when she is down, hearing about jesus and her teaching me about jesus and the baptist faith is what got me saved, yes i was a catholic before knowing her, i didnt have a relationship with god, and i honestly believe i wasnt saved because at the catholic church i went to they didnt teach anything about having a relationship with god and striving to be as much like jesus as you can. so you telling her that set me off and i would like if you would stop harrasing her on her blogs and if you are going to comment at least leave your name. when you hide people make take what your saying a diff way then what you ment.

Cara said...

It's not pathetic. Everyone feels this way sometimes. And keep in mind that those people you named went through alot to get their voices heard. Alot of them felt at one time how you feel now. I know it sounds cliché, but it all comes back to trusting God.

Yahweh said...

I don't know how you could know who I am since none of you have ever met me. I'm from Vietnam and have only been in the USA for school. I appologize for taking an interest and trying to give words of encouragement. I suppose 10 years of English is not enough to understand all of the meanings behind your words. I can assure you these 3 comments were the only comments I have made on this blog. Perhaps you've mistaken me with someone else. I have not written any other "rubbish" on here. My name really is Yahweh. It is my second name. I did not share my first name because it doesn't translate easily to English and would have been taken offense of. I don't understand how words of encouragement could be taken as harassment and I'm not sure I understand what you mean by me "kicking her when she's down." I appologize, I thought I was being helpful by offering a different take on how to make a difference. I will not write on here anymore. Good luck with your spiritual endeavors. Chúa được với bạn

Liz said...

then how did you find my blog? its not publicly listed.

Anonymous said...

The previous Anonymous poster has a fair point. If you can't help someone find God, help them find hope. Giving them hope may give you hope. Giving them hope may give them God, even indirectly. You, dear, are not a failure. You are deeply, deeply, DEEPLY loved. By God and by many around you. Do not forget this.