let's be honest.

"Maybe God really did want me to wrestle with Him. When did I start thinking that God couldn’t handle my honesty? My anger, my disappointment, and my fear. I learned that I could let God have it, and even more, He could take it. My honesty, my heart break, really opened me up to a whole other realm of a sweet, vulnerable, relationship with Jesus. It was that honesty that started the healing process in my broken heart. Only when I brought both my hopes and my fear, everything, and put them, honestly, openly, before Jesus, did I start to see the walls crumble."

note: not my own thoughts, though i do agree with them.

packages ♥

i just downloaded flyleaf's "remember to live", ivoryline's "there came a lion" and the entirety of children 18:3's "rain's a comin" (finally right???!)

also, i got a pineapple and a little cannister with homeade cookies... and a lovely calendar for my desktop.

friends from far away are hard to have, but worth it. i have to remember this.

don't stop fighting.

today is a good day.

hobbits were never really meant for the land of the elves.

we never talk anymore.

and i KNOW it’s because i wasn’t good enough, a good enough friend, a good enough Christian. i knew i wasn’t good enough to be your friend… i just hoped.

if you see this, please promise me that you will think of me occasionally when you look up to the stars. i will always remember you.

swept away.

Help help help
Out out out out out out out
Now now now now now

Evil fell from your pretty mouth
Wrapped in your classic voice
Angelic in your syntax
Demonic in your motive
Your pretty eyes don’t know that
The water flowing from this well isn’t fresh
Demolish all that sets you up against your rising up
Confessing all that’s broken and watch the healing come
Spread out your open hands
Admit you’ve held them shut
Turn all the way around
Be swept away by this

Time for surrender
Spread out your open hands
And He will raise you up
Confessing all that’s broken
And watch the healing come
Spread out your open hands
Admit you’ve held them shut
Be swept away by this

Your clothes are smooth and spotless
The air is putrid sewage
Downwind of your pressed church clothes
Your eyes are black and empty
Your deeds are just for showing
How big and bright your fake smile glows
I see you moving and they're getting scared
Their eyes are focusing on something else
You're staring at me and I stare at you
I rage against everything that you do

See them surrender
Spread out your open hands
And he will raise you up
Confessing all that’s broken
Look at the healing come
Spread out your open hands
Admit you’ve held them shut
Be swept away by this

I see you moving and they're getting scared
Their eyes are focusing on something else
You're staring at me and I stare at you
I rage against everything that you do
Get this hell out out of my way
There’s nothing more that you can say so
Get this hell out get this hell out out out of my way
So get this hell out get this hell out out out of my way

We spread our open hands
And He is rising up
Repairing all that broken
Look at the healing come
We spread our open hands
Forgiveness holds them up
We’re swept away by this

Out out out out out out
Now now now now now now

"swept away" by flyleaf

dear 2011...

so far, you suck.

i am so very tired of missing people.

people i didn't think i would ever have to miss.

people who definitely do not miss me.

i am so very tired of going to work and feeling inferior and invisible.

i try my best and work really hard to think of new ideas and things

but i'm always shot down, nothing is ever good enough.

i'm always second choice, never first.

just never good enough.

2011, you were supposed to be better, but you SUCK.

sincerely broken and confused,

me.

goodbye 2010, hello 2011 with a brand new me (an obligatory new year's eve post)

2010 was actually a pretty intense year for me... a LOT of things happened, pretty great things, some awfully horrid things, but mostly a LOT of good things, a lot of happy things.

i managed to complete 5 items from my bucket list,, which i just realized today so hey there's an accomplishment!! so let's see if i can do this in a way that won't utterly bore you all...

top 10 memories of 2010:

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

Top 10 Songs of 2010:

10. The Stand -Hillsong United

9. Break Free -Hillsong United

8. Vanilla Twilight -Owl City

7. Take A Chance -Landon Pigg

6. Missing -Flyleaf

5. Courage -Orianthi featuring Lacey from Flyleaf

4. The Fury -Disciple

3. Broken Heart -Falling Up

2. Stars -Switchfoot

1. Eternity -Disciple

10 New Things I Did in 2010:

10. took out a loan for my very own car.

9. got a tattoo.

8. started playing bass.

7. cut my hair the shortest it has ever been

6. applied to a school & ended up not going.

5. took a couple road trips alone to experience life.

4. met new friends.

3. started wearing more than just band t's and jeans.

2. got a second job, and even though i usually hate it, i am still working there

1. told someone impactful in my life how much they meant to me, and then did whatever i could to meet them.

well it's a short blog but 2010 pretty much in quick review here for anyone who actually reads my blog. i've also created a list of 11 resolutions for 2011 and actually intend to work hard and keep them this year. let's do it.

Goodbye disappointing 2010.

Hello new everything 2011.

changes and business and getting really excited for february!!

okay friendsss!

just wanted to let you all know that i've been immensely busy lately and not had much time to blog however, i have been working on my 2010 recap blog whenever i have spare time, i'm planning on including quite a few photos as well so it's taken me some time (plus i've learned some new editing techniques in photoshop so i've been experimenting with that as well! woo!!)

stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!! :)