"there is light and beauty that no shadow can touch"

side note:

i was at work one day & it was super slow and God just started speaking to me in this most beautiful, poetic vision and it was all i could do to put into words what i was seeing, it was so crazy! but wow, okay enjoy :P

constantly on His mind.

never escaping His unconditional love for me.

even when i mess up and fall back to things i thought i conquered years ago, He lifts my face, wipes away the dirt and dries all the tears; even as He does so, my heart is safe and being healed by His being. still feeling so condemned, the tears just don't stop and He is patient with me, ever so gently does He gaze upon my weary, broken self. joy is His and i can see it flickering across His face everytime i glance at Him. He has me back in this place, which is all He desires; i know my comfort is so undeserved yet i have become so empty without Him. my great need of His love has been realized once again, and to such a deeper level than i have ever known before.

for a moment i forget this paradise and the enemy sees his chance.

swiftly does he sneak into my mind and the doubts come rushing back...

...i don't belong here

...surely i deserve punishment

...how can this be real?

...i'm such a worthless being there are a million more people...surely His love cannot cover this sin

...how can i sit here with Him after everything??

...i should be scrubbing the grime off His throne, not being near Him like this...

and then, just like that, i am crying all over again.

i turn my face away from His beauty and perfection in a sharp, painful move.

i know He knows everything and the next thing i know,

i've fallen to my knees,

completely facedown.

broken.

surrendered.

so. unworthy.

as my tears fall faster i try to speak to Him but all i can manage is a barely audible,

"please."

in that instant i see such a whirlwind of beauty and power.

with a voice full of authority that strikes fear into me, such a terrible beautiful thing.

...and He speaks and rebukes the enemy.

suddenly... it's all over and the pressing worthlessness is gone. by this point, i can't even lift my head to thank Him, there is no strength left within me at all.

just when i've given up on any kind of comfort, He kneels beside me where i lay crumpled and broken on the ground, and with a strength unknown to man, He lifts me and carries me to the most beautiful, quiet place, and there i can rest.

while i regain my strength, He simply sits with me, holding me in that safe place and the quiet is consumed with His voice.

He is singing!

and His song is for me, about me; my heart yearns to sing back and shout just how incredible He is, but i remain silent, listening in every way i know how.

the music ceases and, surprised, i open my eyes, still wet with tears, to see Him smiling down at me. i reach up to hug Him and i'm amazed to see He is already pulled me into his embrace.

after we part, He takes my hand and i follow Him to a small stream that cascades into a waterfall creating the brightest rainbow i've ever seen.

i'm so amazed that i run to Him, fall down and worship.

and then, He speaks.

as i listen, my eyes are opened and the truth He brings is like salve to an open wound.

while He speaks i am empowered & encouraged.

He reminds me that i am His and that isn't ever going to change, no matter how far i may fall.

when He's almost finished He reaches over to brush a lock of hair out of my eyes and in the streaming sunlight, i glimpse His nail-scarred hands. my heart burns and as He tells me of my beauty, i reach for His hand and i sink down to a rock. He puts His arm around me and then i speak and He smiles and listens to me...

as the conversation turns to things i've done wrong, my heart fills with sorrow knowing it has hurt Him greatly. i am meek and humbled, with a heavy heart i turn to Him only to see that He has tears for me.

"forgive me?" i whisper as a guilt-laden tear rolls down my cheek.

"it is finished." He replies.

with those three words i am freed.