please forgive me Jesus.
i promise i won't give up.
-everyday sunday
everything feels like it's been spinning out of control lately, i don't even know how to approach life. i work every single day, all the time, it seems like i wake up, work, come home, sleep and do it all over again. when i'm not busy working or sleeping, i try to keep in touch with friends and my family, which has become increasingly difficult especially lately since until 2 days ago i've been pulling away from people. depression sucks and i hate that it almost killed me again.
it's been ridiculously rough. i've never felt so attacked in my whole life.
and not just me either!! my poor sister was so excited to get her new car
and go off to college and be on her own and have new things happen and
BAM. car accident. serious pain and her arm's in a sling now. that was only
a week ago. she came home yesterday to go to our family doctor and tonight
she decided to go to a home football game to spend some time with friends she
hasn't seen in a couple months and what happens? someone vandalizes her car
and shreds her temp plates so she can't even drive anywhere. i hate that all of
this is happening right now. on top of THAT, my uncle (dad's brother) was on
24/7 watch at a hospital for being mentally unstable. he was literally calling our
house phone every ten minutes and then not be able to articulate a conversation.
i'm really frustrated with everything.
i hate working my 2nd job.
i hate not being able to be FREE.
i hate that there's so much stress on my family and i can't do anything about it.
and most of all i hate that
everything is spiraling out of control and
every time i feel like i've got a grasp on things,
suddenly it's spinning again and i'm barely
holding on for dear life.
i attempted letting go and that didn't work out for me either.
i just can't win.
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