so for anyone who doesn't know, i'm in kenosha for the weekend and have been hanging out with my friends Cara & Heidi and God has been changing me and preparing me for awhile now, and i had no idea why, what was going on and then this morning at the meeting, it was announced that tonight's Vision & Commitment class (learning foundations and such, i can explain more if anyone wants to know) was on being baptized in the Holy Spirit and when i heard that i was intrigued, i mean it's something i've wanted for a long time now and i knew God wanted it for me and it's something i've never learned much about, just bits and pieces from what i've learned from like Cara when she did the school of worship and things like that, nothing very substantial though and so when Heidi turned to me and said "Liz you need to go to that" i didn't honestly take it very seriously at first but the more i tried to shrug it off, the more it nagged at me and then when i met up with Cara later, she said the same thing so i'm like okay well i'll go, and it's intriguing to me, i want to know more and so it'll be good. and it TOTALLY was!!!!!!! ian gave the teaching on it basically and told his own testimony about being filled with the Holy Spirit as well and i was really able to connect with what he had to say in a way that was VERY real to me, and while he was teaching i just started to KNOW and hear God speak to me that tonight was the night, that this was going to happen, but it all depended on me. i could embrace it and trust Him, step out in faith and have what i desired or i could turn away and run from it, and let me tell you the enemy was ALL over that. he was trying to push fear and anxiety into my mind and IMMEDIATELY when i started feeling anxious and afraid i just KNEW what was happening and because i could see what the enemy was doing to attack me, i knew how to fight it, and i began praying and just asking God to shield me and give me the strength to trust Him in this. it was a SERIOUSLY relentless attack the whole time during the teaching and i just kept fighting whenever it got bad enough to distract me. then, once ian had finished going through the outline and information, he simply stated that they were going to hang around for a bit up front and lay hands on people and pray for them and i was hit HARD by a fear attack but i just spoke "NO! i TRUST Jesus" in my head and in my heart and it dissipated. then everyone was suddenly chatty and Cara casually turned to look at me and said "So. You going up there?" and i replied "you already know the answer to that" and i went to get up, which was physically hard but God just spoke to me, "if you are obedient, I will be faithful to meet you in this." and He DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ian started praying for me and Cara did as well, they both laid hands on me and then ian led me to speak out and just TELL God how much i desired this and i just spoke my heart to Him and He heard me and met me there and i could just tangibly feel and just KNEW the manifestation of Him in that place and ian instructed me to just breathe DEEPLY and feel myself being FILLED and i wasn't really breathing good breaths, it was shallow and emotional and once i started breathing deep it was so INCREDIBLE and my lips were moving but i didn't notice, i was focused on breathing and my eyes were closed and ian noticed and stated it, "i noticed your lips moving, just SPEAK it out" and i DID and began speaking in tongues and just talking to God and it was a moment of HUGE rejoicing for me. it was like a floodgate broke loose and it was just me and it was God and He just LOVES me and He WANTED this for me but it required FAITH from me to TRUST and BELIEVE in Him and His strength, relying on His strength and not my own. and then we finished praying and i had tears streaming from my eyes and i just opened my eyes and it was blurry because i'd been responding to God with joyful tears and i looked at Cara and she was grinning and i was too and i just like bear hugged her and sobbed into her shoulder. i didn't know what else to do, it was just RIGHT. and then i hugged ian and just kept GRINNING for the rest of the night and i'm still just overwhelmed.
the crazy part is, this was just PART of this weekend, PART of what has changed in me this month, only ONE thing and God is just SO INCREDIBLE that He is doing SO MUCH in me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because He LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES!!! and then to see both of my friends rejoicing with me in this, i am just so amazed, overwhelmed, and totally CRAZY about Jesus right now!!!!!!! and i feel so CHANGED and DIFFERENT. this is like being saved times like 5 thousand. it is so. much. MORE!
i love Him. ♥
time for surrender,
spread out your open hands,
and He will raise you up,
repairing all that's broken,
and watch the healing come.
spread out your open hands,
admit you've held them shut,
be swept away by this.
-flyleaf
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