sin.

we just talked about this in church this morning.

the sermon was on how as Christians, half of the good news of the Gospel is that

we are freed from ever having to sin again!! and listening this morning reminded me

SO MUCH of what john bevere had said in 'extraordinary' so i was definitely into it

and taking notes and really paying attention.

and...

my day just was GREAT. i mean, i'm physically tired but that's to be expected

when you work crazy shifts in retail for 4 days straight (i know, i know not a LOT

of hours, but BUSY CRAZY hours, VERY high volume and high traffic days this weekend)

so yeah it was an overall good day... and i was doing well i believed.

and then when i got home, just like i'd been waiting for and just like i'd been

warned by sooo many people, i just got SLAMMED by the enemy. it was

RELENTLESS. and i know, i know that i am still learning to fight and that

failing this time didn't bring about death and destruction... or did it?!?

pastor made it VERY clear this morning, just SO concisely that sin has severe

consequences and even ONE sin can completely alter the path God has for us.

and how i feel right now?

well okay, for you harry potter fans, this will help explain (for those who are not,

you'll just have to bear with me here as i attempt to use an analogy) well anyway,

in harry potter, voldemort has horcruxes and professor slughorn explains to harry

(er,, i think it's slughorn) that killing rips the soul apart and that's how you can create

a horcrux. well, that is how i feel right now, like i have had the sharpest knife jabbed

into my soul where it seemed perfect with God before has now been disturbed and changed.

oh and believe me, i am on my knees before Him already... getting filled with the Spirit

just CHANGED me and i am grateful for that, and grateful that i know that there is so

much more than just being okay. this rotten guilt will be lifted soon, and i have wronged

Him, and i know it. also though, i know His love for me never ever changes. for that i am

also thankful♥

i think my point in this post is a) it's my blog and i like to write about good and the bad, and

b) to remind everyone that even though i've been doing well, yeah, i do still mess up, and i

definitely don't have a 'holier than thou' viewpoint on my life. i just have grace, by the

incredible and undeserved blessing of God. and that is how i shall get through.

our God is greater,

our God is stronger,

God, You are higher than any other,

our God is healer, awesome in power,

our God, our God...

and if our God is for us,

than who could ever stop us?

and if our God is with us,

then what could stand against?

2/24/11

"Watch Me as I work.

Have faith.

Trust me.

My hands are mighty, and you are safe within their grasp.

I move in power and violence.

This is ALL for your good.

Everything I do is in love."

"in brokenness comes beauty, divine fragility,

reminding me of nail-scarred hands, reaching out to me"

-mercyme 'undone'

psalm 73.

1 Truly God is good to Israel,
to those whose hearts are pure.
2 But as for me, I almost lost my footing.
My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
3 For I envied the proud
when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
4 They seem to live such painless lives;
their bodies are so healthy and strong.
5 They don’t have troubles like other people;
they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.
6 They wear pride like a jeweled necklace
and clothe themselves with cruelty.
7 These fat cats have everything
their hearts could ever wish for!
8 They scoff and speak only evil;
in their pride they seek to crush others.
9 They boast against the very heavens,
and their words strut throughout the earth.
10 And so the people are dismayed and confused,
drinking in all their words.
11 “What does God know?” they ask.
“Does the Most High even know what’s happening?”
12 Look at these wicked people—
enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.
13 Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?
Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
14 I get nothing but trouble all day long;
every morning brings me pain.

15 If I had really spoken this way to others,
I would have been a traitor to your people.
16 So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper.
But what a difficult task it is!
17 Then I went into your sanctuary, O God,
and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
18 Truly, you put them on a slippery path
and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.
19 In an instant they are destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors.
20 When you arise, O Lord,
you will laugh at their silly ideas
as a person laughs at dreams in the morning.

21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant—
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
23 Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.

27 Those who desert him will perish,
for you destroy those who abandon you.
28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.
-new living translation

so i was just reading this passage and totally STRUCK by so many things in this.
for example, the world makes sinful things appeal to us so much and we know that they aren't actually any good, even though our hearts chase after those things. we see people of the world (non-believers) who live lives full of sin and it just SEEMS like they are SO MUCH better off than us, their lives appear glamorous and we start to believe that they have everything that we should want.

it's funny bc i had started to feel this way, and then chased after things
of the world, ended up empty, miserable and very very lonely, pushing people
away, oh how much i can relate to "22 I was so foolish and ignorant—
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you." because that is exactly what happens and exactly how i feel once God shows me that the things i chased after and believed in, really are only an illusion of contentment and happiness. and His forgiveness is so evident like verse 23 says, "Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand"

yup God is amazing

i just thought i'd share this and maybe someone else could get revelation out of it too!

so... my life just changed forever.

so for anyone who doesn't know, i'm in kenosha for the weekend and have been hanging out with my friends Cara & Heidi and God has been changing me and preparing me for awhile now, and i had no idea why, what was going on and then this morning at the meeting, it was announced that tonight's Vision & Commitment class (learning foundations and such, i can explain more if anyone wants to know) was on being baptized in the Holy Spirit and when i heard that i was intrigued, i mean it's something i've wanted for a long time now and i knew God wanted it for me and it's something i've never learned much about, just bits and pieces from what i've learned from like Cara when she did the school of worship and things like that, nothing very substantial though and so when Heidi turned to me and said "Liz you need to go to that" i didn't honestly take it very seriously at first but the more i tried to shrug it off, the more it nagged at me and then when i met up with Cara later, she said the same thing so i'm like okay well i'll go, and it's intriguing to me, i want to know more and so it'll be good. and it TOTALLY was!!!!!!! ian gave the teaching on it basically and told his own testimony about being filled with the Holy Spirit as well and i was really able to connect with what he had to say in a way that was VERY real to me, and while he was teaching i just started to KNOW and hear God speak to me that tonight was the night, that this was going to happen, but it all depended on me. i could embrace it and trust Him, step out in faith and have what i desired or i could turn away and run from it, and let me tell you the enemy was ALL over that. he was trying to push fear and anxiety into my mind and IMMEDIATELY when i started feeling anxious and afraid i just KNEW what was happening and because i could see what the enemy was doing to attack me, i knew how to fight it, and i began praying and just asking God to shield me and give me the strength to trust Him in this. it was a SERIOUSLY relentless attack the whole time during the teaching and i just kept fighting whenever it got bad enough to distract me. then, once ian had finished going through the outline and information, he simply stated that they were going to hang around for a bit up front and lay hands on people and pray for them and i was hit HARD by a fear attack but i just spoke "NO! i TRUST Jesus" in my head and in my heart and it dissipated. then everyone was suddenly chatty and Cara casually turned to look at me and said "So. You going up there?" and i replied "you already know the answer to that" and i went to get up, which was physically hard but God just spoke to me, "if you are obedient, I will be faithful to meet you in this." and He DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ian started praying for me and Cara did as well, they both laid hands on me and then ian led me to speak out and just TELL God how much i desired this and i just spoke my heart to Him and He heard me and met me there and i could just tangibly feel and just KNEW the manifestation of Him in that place and ian instructed me to just breathe DEEPLY and feel myself being FILLED and i wasn't really breathing good breaths, it was shallow and emotional and once i started breathing deep it was so INCREDIBLE and my lips were moving but i didn't notice, i was focused on breathing and my eyes were closed and ian noticed and stated it, "i noticed your lips moving, just SPEAK it out" and i DID and began speaking in tongues and just talking to God and it was a moment of HUGE rejoicing for me. it was like a floodgate broke loose and it was just me and it was God and He just LOVES me and He WANTED this for me but it required FAITH from me to TRUST and BELIEVE in Him and His strength, relying on His strength and not my own. and then we finished praying and i had tears streaming from my eyes and i just opened my eyes and it was blurry because i'd been responding to God with joyful tears and i looked at Cara and she was grinning and i was too and i just like bear hugged her and sobbed into her shoulder. i didn't know what else to do, it was just RIGHT. and then i hugged ian and just kept GRINNING for the rest of the night and i'm still just overwhelmed.

the crazy part is, this was just PART of this weekend, PART of what has changed in me this month, only ONE thing and God is just SO INCREDIBLE that He is doing SO MUCH in me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because He LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES!!! and then to see both of my friends rejoicing with me in this, i am just so amazed, overwhelmed, and totally CRAZY about Jesus right now!!!!!!! and i feel so CHANGED and DIFFERENT. this is like being saved times like 5 thousand. it is so. much. MORE!

i love Him. ♥

time for surrender,

spread out your open hands,

and He will raise you up,

repairing all that's broken,

and watch the healing come.

spread out your open hands,

admit you've held them shut,

be swept away by this.

-flyleaf

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the end.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

currently?

aside from my family & sisters?

these two ladies ♥

31 days in pictures... i am totally stealing this from you kelly!! :)

31 days of pictures

my friend kelly started doing this on her blog & i decided it would be kind of fun to do too :)

i tried one like this on fb and it didn't go well, but on my blog i think i might finish it :)

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

1. Disciple is my favourite band ever. no contest.

2. i don't like the color pink...but it looks good on me.

3. my hair hasn't been it's normal color for nearly 5 years now :P

4. this is the longest my hair has been in 2 years.

5. my eyes are blue. and i love my eyes. they're like the only part of me i LOVE.

6. i really could use a nap right now. or sleep. but i am an insomniac :)

7. in 2 days i get to see my amazing kenosha friends!!

8. i have to get an oil change on thursday =/

9. this is my fave pic of me and heidi EVER. it makes me happy.

10. you are more than the sum of your past mistakes. you've been remade (lyric)

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

i don't blog anymore

i just realized that i don't really blog anymore.

and i wondered why that was and i remembered that

i'm working on closing my thoughts off from people.

i'm getting tired of being judged by the people i consider

friends, just because i'm not living up to their standards

and because we have that "friend" status, they feel like it's

okay to say things that normally one would never say to someone

else. not only am i tired of being judged, i'm tired of everyone

trying to FIX me. i wasn't asking to be fixed, i wasn't expecting

to be fixed. i just wanted a FRIEND. someone who will say

"i'm not going to try to change you, but i will be here if you need me"

i can't even COUNT the number of times i've listened to other

people's problems and stories and situations and never ever judged,

never said a negative word, maybe offered up ideas of encouraging

thoughts when asked or warranted but i've never ever tried changing

anyone. i only really have ever known one person (in real life, no offense

meant to my online friends) who has just sat there with me, not even

needing to make conversation, but also not judging what i say when i DO

talk. no. after high school when i was struggling, even though this person

hated me, they still sat with me one day through a movie and gave me

company. someone to feel safe with. this person is still willing to listen

even when they don't know what to say, who is, despite what they think,

a good friend. but i shouldn't be asking for that from anyone anymore.

it's an expectation i shouldn't ask of people, their lives are too busy. whatever.

but then who am i kidding? i'm a horrible friend. so how can i even tell

what makes a good friend?

anyway. the point of this blog is to say that if you're following along and

reading, that you shouldn't be surprised if i don't post anything of

substance for a good long while.

the conclusion of this jumbled mess?

i should not blog at 5 a.m.

even if i AM wide awake.

“you’re not…invisible”

the story behind this pic was the most unexpected moment of

the whole night.

“you’re not…invisible”

so my little sister took this picture

and she had no idea of the story behind this moment.

i’m amazed she captured it.

photo taken at the Rock and Worship Road Show in Madison, Wisconsin on 2/6/11