the love of Christ.

hey all my lovely friends & readers (i THINK i know all of you haha).

this is just kind of a quick update of things in my life lately, i know i've not blogged in ages even though i've meant to blog time and time again about things like the Disciple show and other various events...but it's not seemed right to me so you get an update =)

alright well... basically i want it to be known that this blog is all about how amazing God is and how when we just shut up our own fears and ideas, He will do amazing things okay? i learned this in an overwhelming way pretty recently so i wanted to share it :)

last friday, i was debating whether or not to drive 3 hours to green bay to see Children 18:3 play.

they were playing at the same venue i saw disciple at so it was a free show and i'd not seen them live so i thought it would be fun. thing is, i worked the morning of the show and the next morning as well, very early days...so driving 3 hours one way was already kind of a crazy idea. well, i thought maybe jen or one of my other friends might want to go with me so that we could split the driving...but nobody could make it. so the morning of the show, i got up, went to work already knowing my bestie jen couldn't go cuz her lil sis was very sick. i was really considering not going i mean, that's quite a ways to drive by yourself and so i went to work thinking, okay i'll pray about it at work, talk it over with God and see what He thinks. well, after being at work for 2 hours, we had already gotten truck in for the week and we were super slow for a friday, like ridiculous. well, the manager on told me it was okay if i left early so i left around noon...well that meant i had time to go home before i had to leave if i was going to do this drive. being let off early was a sign to me from God that i should go (that and when talking with Him it was as though He really wanted me to go)... so i went home and thought okay well i'll let my dad know that i'm going to go and see what he thinks. so i got home, told him and he was very cool about it. he said "okay let's check your car over quick before you go and make sure everything will be okay for the trip" which was amazing cuz normally my dad freaks out when i go on long trips... so with all this peace in my soul and mind i was like okay God, i don't know why i'm going but let's do this.

so...i took off =P most of the trip consisted of highway and interstate driving which isn't half bad, i'd already made the trip once (not being the driver though) and i'd driven to oshkosh a couple times already too, so it was definitely alright and i had my ipod, the radio and some amazing time talking to God =) i let go of my fears for the trip and just had a great time of honesty with Him, something i'd been putting off the last few days. working so much lately has had me not giving enough time and attention to my relationship with Him and He reminded me He really missed me and loved me no matter what which left my heart burning; i missed Him too.

well okay, i'd been considering this trip for about a week since i found out about it and i had everything mapquested out and such so i was what i considered prepared...at least as prepared as i could have been. well, just a couple nights before friday..um...actually i think it was wednesday night... i went on facebook and seth just happened to be on facebook chat. i found that pretty cool cuz usually when you're in a band, you get really pesky annoying people talking to you (well at least i would imagine it happens haha, especially if you're in a band and single cuz then people are like marry me marry me! you know, like ben and jen from skillet...gag... some people are so dumb. just cuz it's over the internet doesn't make it any less rude. hello?! respect?? okay end tangent.) well i'd seen on his formspring when i found he had one, that he really liked starbucks and when i go see bands & i think there will be an opportunity to actually talk to them, i try to get them something to make their lives just a little bit better or a little bit easier you know? so i thought, okay i could get them a starbucks gift card or something but then when i saw him online i was just like hey let's just ask him what they all like. it can't hurt. so i did and to my surprise he actually answered! after our short little chat (it was quite late) i was like okay i have to be up early in the morning...SLEEP haha. so i wrote down what they like and went to bed, if i ended up going i'd stop at starbucks in green bay and bring them what they liked.

since i DID end up going, i decided to get off the interstate, find the starbucks i'd looked up, get the drinks and head to the venue which was super close to the starbucks. well that was WAY easier thought out than done. the interstate exit i needed to get off on was closed for road construction...so i had to get off at the next one and then i was totally lost...HOWEVER literally JUST off that exit was a starbucks! such a God thing!! so i pulled in and grabbed my phone and started texting jen (who was home) for her help to get to the venue. i went in, got the drinks and came back out try and figure out where i was exactly. well, i didn't know the name of the street i was on (no signs around) so i just started driving, knowing what direction i kind of needed to go...and so i turned once, then twice and found out i was on the correct road!! ...except going the wrong way haha. once i got turned around (ps try driving in unfamiliar territory while not spilling 3 drinks uh yeah...fun times haha) i found the place no problem! i pulled into the parking lot and texted jen "yay i made it!!" and then i realized i needed to go inside and take their drinks in cuz the 2 iced ones were starting to melt and the hot one was probably starting to get cold...

well cue my nerves :P i mean, yes i completely understand that people in bands are just people like me, but i didn't want them to think i was a weird stalker girl or something because i honestly am not, and it turns out i didn't even have to worry about that for a second.

i pulled myself together and pressed on and walked up to the side door of the venue where their equipment vehicle was and didn't see anybody so i faltered for a moment questioning whether i should just go in or wait for someone to come out the door. i had just resolved to go in after waiting when seth came charging out the door and when he saw me he smiled and i said something dumb along the lines of "you ordered an iced coffee?" and he laughed and wouldn't take it but instead gave me this HUGE hug which i was totally not expecting. he said he was glad to see me and i mentioned being glad to get out of my car and then i wondered if i should just go back to my car and wait for the doors to open or hang around outside and once again i didn't have to worry about it because he said "come on inside and say hi to everyone" so i followed him in & that's where i met their younger sister bethany, their mom, and lee marie who were setting up the merch table.

seth just kind of took off and so i was left to introduce myself and i gestured to lee that one of the iced coffees was for her and she was like "no way you brought us starbucks?" and i just smiled and said yeah. seth came back and grabbed his drink and then they went off to jam for a bit and do soundcheck so i just kind of hung back and stood around and their mom and bethany (who are so SO awesome!!) just talked to me like i was an old friend, getting to know me but they were so nice and at ease, it felt like being with friends. after a bit, bethany asked me if i wanted to go downstairs with her to curl her hair and i was surprised, you know, thinking i should go back outside and wait like everyone else but nope, they wouldn't have that. so i said "sure" and we went to the lower level which was for the bands to kind of hang out and stuff. there's a kitchen down there & there were some people in it but bethany and i went straight to the bathroom :P while she did her hair we chatted and talked like good friends and it just occurred to me, wow she doesn't even know me but she's being so awesome and nice and genuine. then we got on the topic of the international house of prayer (ihop) and misty edwards and such and she was really excited i knew what it was and apparently she loveloveloves to watch/listen to it and is hoping to intern there which i found super cool. this whole conversation led to what i'm doing in life and school of worship and how i'm waiting on acceptance/rejection and musical ability and stuff. that was really cool, getting to share about the school =) well, then she was finished with her hair and we went back out to chill on the couch for awhile & her mom was sitting there and we ended up talking about where i work of all things (haha). they hadn't ever heard of build a bear before!! i was pretty happy that i got to share about the awesome place i work and some of the history behind the store that i've learned while working there. then it was time for them to have dinner (the venue had provided a nice meal for them) and they invited me to eat with them but i was like "no thanks i'm not really hungry :) " but bethany was like "you're eating with us" and she grabbed my arm and said come on so i went with her and grabbed just a little food.

well we all sat down at this big long table, the whole family and i thought it was going to be kind of awkward but it wasn't even close to awkward, they made me feel totally loved and like i was part of their family, earlier they'd even said i was their adopted family member for the night, that all just filled my heart with so much love it was actually very hard for me to not cry right there lol. i'm not a very emotional person but i'm also not used to being wanted around, you know? my family does their own thing and i do my own thing, sometimes we meet in the middle and spend time together but they don't make it a priority. i'm just used to being on my own, so for people to want my company and be happy i was there, well it was just a lot for me to take in and get used to. so i sat down between her and seth and as everyone ate we just chatted like it was nothing unusual. seth and i were kind of at one end of the table so he was asking me some questions about myself and stuff and it was really fun talking about shows and (ha!) skillet yeah yeah skillet got brought into the conversation :P and where i live (by the Dells which seth apparently likes a lot) and they all said the next time they were in the area they'd come visit me and it wasn't just like being polite...i think they really meant they wanted to see me again, which also blew me away. the way they were all so sincere in caring about what i had to say and stuff, it was just...amazing.

then it was time for the show and the first band, Page2 (who's local? but i've never heard of them) did their set and then it was time for Children 18:3.

i honestly think my favorite part of the whole show was them praying together before hand right on stage. that just speaks volumes to who they are and where their priorities are. they're the first band i've ever seen do that & i give them tons and tons of credit for doing that.

they played some really sweet new songs, some really sweet old songs and they played all of my favorites as well :)

i love the way they do "mock the music" and they got the crowd into the show SO well!! they had everyone switching places in the crowd and running in circles and jumping and it was just really FUN!

watching lee marie on bass was SO inspiring. i LOVE chick bass players anyway (personal bias? maybe...) but she was just so GOOD at it and having a lot of fun, you could really tell she enjoyed herself and what she was doing. unfortunately, she was further away from me with tall people standing in front of me and that made it hard to get good pics.

dave was pretty cool to see too, though i had a lot of fun taking pictures of him since i was closest to him, plus he's just plain photogenic and i got some really fun shots in between rocking out. despite the fact that he was very quiet before the show, he really has a strong stage presence which you should totally check out should you get the chance :)

seth...is a beast on drums. the end. not only is he awesome at it, his drums are PLAID. how epic is that?? and not only is he amazing at playing his cool plaid drums, he does tricks while playing (like stick flipping and stuff). ridiculously awesome. as far as pics go... 1. he was in the shadows a lot and that combined with the 2. fast movements made it hard to get any REALLY good pics, though i have a couple that are alright =)

after the show, bethany and i went back to the merch table so she could help her mom and i offered to help too though there wasn't really much for me to do, so i just stuck myself against the wall and hung out. seth and lee marie came over and started signing and taking pics and stuff and in between talking with fans seth and lee chatted with me which i thought was really really cool. i was like, really? you guys are blowing me away with your awesome. haha. then lee asked my opinion on a new merchandise idea they were thinking of...which i really hope they end up doing because that design would make a wicked sweet hoodie!! :D

once everyone had pretty much left, i asked them if it would be alright if once they weren't too busy if i could get a pic with the family who were so kind and "adopted" me for the night and they were all "yes totally" and they dropped what they were doing right then and there and took a photo with me which is my favorite photo in the whole world and has been my computer background since.

not too long after that, they finished loading everything up and were getting ready to leave and so we all said our goodbyes and i got sooo many hugs and then it was time for me to slam my energy drink and head home. it was really hard leaving them, but then again i knew it was a purposed meeting and a purposed time.

it wasn't until an hour later when i was driving and talking to God about it that i realized just what it was about that experience that left me feeling the way i did. i had truly experienced the love of Christ through that family and i was overwhelmed. just talking to God about everything and thanking Him over and over and over again for making me go and giving me the push i needed to do it and telling Him thank You thank You thank You for such amazing people and asking that He would just bless them and give them extreme favor and success in whatever they do, because their hearts are in the right place, their motives are all for Him. just talking to Him about it made me so emotional (realllllly smart to do while driving right?) that i was crying (once again what is up with that??) because i felt SO loved and SO happy. God knew why i needed to go to green bay, and once i finally gave it up to Him and trusted His purpose....well wow look what happened.

i second guess Him so much and don't fully trust Him near enough. because of this whole ordeal i realized that, i also realized i'm not relying on Him enough. i'm way too independent and rely on myself so much so that i get burnout a lot. my eyes have really been opened to complete vulnerability with Him and that's an amazing thing to live under. try it :)