so in my last blog post a few days ago, i was very burdened for one of my closest friends who was experiencing what i believe was a "valley" time where God was testing her and being silent. i found out that she had had several other things happen since i'd last spoken to her and with a message i found out she was feeling worthless from something that happened and she was very upset because a large sum of money had been lost of hers and just a bunch of things weighing on her soul.
as soon as i read that message i lifted a prayer to God and when i read about the money being lost i just KNEW that it was going to turn up, i just felt like she had to trust that God was in control of it all.
when i replied to her message i told her i knew God was going to have the money turn up and that i was praying for her and my heart went out to her.
less than 20 minutes later i found out that mere moments after i had sent that reply the money was found and several other things were resolved as well as God granting her overwhelming peace...exact things i had prayed for.
pretty much i am overwhelmed by God tonight. answered prayers ALWAYS impact me with the way i love Him. i mean, i know He loves us and that He has done the most powerful thing possible by dying for us and i know these things all the time but everytime there is strong evidences of Him in our lives i just want to fall to my knees and praise Him. i don't know what has changed in me lately but i am NOT complaining. if this is what being a Christian really is, like, living for God totally sold-out...then i will never go back. like i'm not sure if i can explain this properly but i'm realizing how much i've not been in awe of God the way i should be. maybe growing up in the faith has made me desensitized to it all? i don't know but something is VERY different now. i don't know if people around me, friends and family and stuff can see it or can tell but *I* know i'm different. anyway so that's my amazement with Jesus and God tonight...its nearly 2 a.m. and i'm getting up in 5 hours to leave for kenosha O.o hello insomnia! oh boy okay goodnight everyone and the next time you hear from me it will be after i've either gotten to kenosha if i get a chance to blog there or when i'm back :)
"God I will follow You because You died for me, gave to me Your life to set me free, anyone who asks shall receive Jesus in your heart, it's time for you to start, giving God all the glory." ♥
-disciple, more than a man
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Living--really being ALIVE!
We all know what it's like, to be off in another world so to speak or to just kind of go through the motions in our lives. If you've ever been depressed you understand emptiness and numbness very well so I won't go into too much detail here because even if you've never been depressed, everyone goes through those times where they just do what they have to do and go to bed at night and wake up the next morning and do it all over again. I've done it too. Many, many times.
Lately, things have been different. Ever since this summer I've been "waking up" so to speak. For all you Skillet fans out there it's basically like this, being comatose and then being awake. I find it funny how my life has moved with those 2 albums in such a crazy mirroring way. Anyway, this summer I learned a HUGE lesson in forgiveness and not only accepting God's forgiveness but being able to forgive myself and stop beating myself up for things of the past. After this happened I began to really open up to God again. The anger was gone. Trust replaced the apprehension I had before.
Previously, when I'd be at home or just doing whatever I'd just do it and it was like my mind was in 2 parts, one that subconsciously was doing the task and one that was thinking, constantly, my mind never rested. If I wasn't beating myself up for things I deemed as failures, I was judging myself and criticizing myself. For example, in high school, there was one night at show choir practice that I remember in particular. The 3 of us woodwinds in the band had done the BEST we'd EVER done, we were in tune we were right ON and we had energy going, and we all knew it. But I missed one note. No one else could tell but I knew and because of that one note, I was beating myself up over and over and over again.
Praise God I'm not like that anymore.
I've realized the last few days just how ALIVE I have become. I can laugh again, really laugh and not have to fake it or force it. In the last week I've been just so SO aware of how alive I've become. I don't know if it's my work environment or the weather but I've just been so happy and always smiling and making people laugh the last 2 weeks. Even last Saturday when the store was so ridiculously busy that I had to be forced on break (cuz I was THAT busy stuffing/making bears). I've been...at peace I guess you could say.
Yesterday and today while driving to work I listened to "Worth it All" by Disciple. Actually, I've been listening to a LOT of Disciple in the last week...it's been encouraging me in SO many ways. Anywho, I've gone to work with the attitude of showing people I'm different...without saying a word. Other coworkers that work with me have given their hearts to their job or their spouse or their families/kids or hobbies or what have you...my heart belongs to Jesus. I'm finding out how to love Him in ways I never knew a person could. Instead of rolling my eyes and complaining with other coworkers after a particularly difficult customer has left, instead I pray for that person and have compassion for them. Maybe they're having an awful day you know? And if I can make their day just an ounce better by offering a smile or helping them to make their life that much easier, then I will do it and not because it's my job, though it is, no. I will do it because I am showing love to them. One thing in particular that I've really taken from Kevin Young's sermons/interviews/videos with him talking is that he is VERY adamant about loving everyone, ie: love your neighbor as yourself. I know there was a lot of anger in his past and I can definitely relate to that. He said himself that he's spoken words that were like a "shotgun to the face" and when he speaks of that and how he has changed, I long to be like that. So, I show love to people.
By no means am I perfect at any of this but, this whole experience, this, coming alive and actually learning how to LIVE has been so amazing that I cannot wait to add to it by the experiences I'll have this upcoming weekend.
For those who do not know, I am going to Kenosha for the weekend to meet Cara, hang out with her, visit the Living Light School of Worship and sit in on a day and go to a Sunday morning meeting...and a Skillet concert has been officially added to it all. Not only am I going to the concert, and with CARA which amazes me still, she's such an amazing person, but I'm going to be helping work Skillet's merch table. I'm in awe and still pretty shell-shocked. If you want to know why I'm so in shock it's because about a week ago I fully believed I would not be able to attend this show at all, that they were sold out of tickets and my chance had passed me by...and then God provided this opportunity and I am so amazed by how much He loves me that He wants me to be able to go to this show because He knows what music is for me, I feel so humbled and loved and now I think I am rambling but I don't care I could ramble for pages and pages about how amazing God is and how much I love Jesus ♥
Tomorrow is the visitation for my friend's dad. He went to be with Jesus after a long hard struggle with cancer and infection. If you could pray for the family, I and they would really seriously appreciate it. She was my best friend for SO many years. She was VERY close to her dad. I still cry everytime I remember how she used to talk about her wedding day and her dad walking her down the aisle, because that will never happen for her now. It breaks my heart to know she is hurting and in pain from this loss. The funeral is Thursday.
Also, for those of you who know me, the friendships I have mean the world to me, when my friends hurt I hurt. My closest friend right now, dare I call her my bestie? I don't know if she thinks of me that way but I think of her that way because she knows so much about me and accepts me and loves me for me. Okay she is MY bestie. Whether or not I am to her matters not so much, I love her that's all. okay? okay. Well she's hurting too. She feels very distant from God. Maybe He is choosing to be silent, maybe He is just testing her, I do not know. Alls I know is she feels alone. She knows she's not, but I know you all know that knowing something and feeling it are completely different. So I ask you to pray for her too. I have prayed that God will show up everywhere she is and that He will shower her with Himself and overwhelm her with the love He has for her, the love that caused Him to give up His life for her. I am praying that she will "remember the stars" and remember those of us who love her and aren't going anywhere. That she will remember she is loved unconditionally. That she will feel that love and not feel alone or empty. ♥ love you my twin.
I'll end this blog now with a final note:
-if you are reading this, you're living, but are you alive? if you don't feel like you're really LIVING, change. do something different. make an effort to BE alive. make an effort to COME alive. the world needs people who are alive and have come alive. passion is contagious. passion for Jesus is life changing. do you want to make a difference and show people the love of the Savior or do you just want to go through life and do "okay"? my choice is clear. whats yours?
Lately, things have been different. Ever since this summer I've been "waking up" so to speak. For all you Skillet fans out there it's basically like this, being comatose and then being awake. I find it funny how my life has moved with those 2 albums in such a crazy mirroring way. Anyway, this summer I learned a HUGE lesson in forgiveness and not only accepting God's forgiveness but being able to forgive myself and stop beating myself up for things of the past. After this happened I began to really open up to God again. The anger was gone. Trust replaced the apprehension I had before.
Previously, when I'd be at home or just doing whatever I'd just do it and it was like my mind was in 2 parts, one that subconsciously was doing the task and one that was thinking, constantly, my mind never rested. If I wasn't beating myself up for things I deemed as failures, I was judging myself and criticizing myself. For example, in high school, there was one night at show choir practice that I remember in particular. The 3 of us woodwinds in the band had done the BEST we'd EVER done, we were in tune we were right ON and we had energy going, and we all knew it. But I missed one note. No one else could tell but I knew and because of that one note, I was beating myself up over and over and over again.
Praise God I'm not like that anymore.
I've realized the last few days just how ALIVE I have become. I can laugh again, really laugh and not have to fake it or force it. In the last week I've been just so SO aware of how alive I've become. I don't know if it's my work environment or the weather but I've just been so happy and always smiling and making people laugh the last 2 weeks. Even last Saturday when the store was so ridiculously busy that I had to be forced on break (cuz I was THAT busy stuffing/making bears). I've been...at peace I guess you could say.
Yesterday and today while driving to work I listened to "Worth it All" by Disciple. Actually, I've been listening to a LOT of Disciple in the last week...it's been encouraging me in SO many ways. Anywho, I've gone to work with the attitude of showing people I'm different...without saying a word. Other coworkers that work with me have given their hearts to their job or their spouse or their families/kids or hobbies or what have you...my heart belongs to Jesus. I'm finding out how to love Him in ways I never knew a person could. Instead of rolling my eyes and complaining with other coworkers after a particularly difficult customer has left, instead I pray for that person and have compassion for them. Maybe they're having an awful day you know? And if I can make their day just an ounce better by offering a smile or helping them to make their life that much easier, then I will do it and not because it's my job, though it is, no. I will do it because I am showing love to them. One thing in particular that I've really taken from Kevin Young's sermons/interviews/videos with him talking is that he is VERY adamant about loving everyone, ie: love your neighbor as yourself. I know there was a lot of anger in his past and I can definitely relate to that. He said himself that he's spoken words that were like a "shotgun to the face" and when he speaks of that and how he has changed, I long to be like that. So, I show love to people.
By no means am I perfect at any of this but, this whole experience, this, coming alive and actually learning how to LIVE has been so amazing that I cannot wait to add to it by the experiences I'll have this upcoming weekend.
For those who do not know, I am going to Kenosha for the weekend to meet Cara, hang out with her, visit the Living Light School of Worship and sit in on a day and go to a Sunday morning meeting...and a Skillet concert has been officially added to it all. Not only am I going to the concert, and with CARA which amazes me still, she's such an amazing person, but I'm going to be helping work Skillet's merch table. I'm in awe and still pretty shell-shocked. If you want to know why I'm so in shock it's because about a week ago I fully believed I would not be able to attend this show at all, that they were sold out of tickets and my chance had passed me by...and then God provided this opportunity and I am so amazed by how much He loves me that He wants me to be able to go to this show because He knows what music is for me, I feel so humbled and loved and now I think I am rambling but I don't care I could ramble for pages and pages about how amazing God is and how much I love Jesus ♥
Tomorrow is the visitation for my friend's dad. He went to be with Jesus after a long hard struggle with cancer and infection. If you could pray for the family, I and they would really seriously appreciate it. She was my best friend for SO many years. She was VERY close to her dad. I still cry everytime I remember how she used to talk about her wedding day and her dad walking her down the aisle, because that will never happen for her now. It breaks my heart to know she is hurting and in pain from this loss. The funeral is Thursday.
Also, for those of you who know me, the friendships I have mean the world to me, when my friends hurt I hurt. My closest friend right now, dare I call her my bestie? I don't know if she thinks of me that way but I think of her that way because she knows so much about me and accepts me and loves me for me. Okay she is MY bestie. Whether or not I am to her matters not so much, I love her that's all. okay? okay. Well she's hurting too. She feels very distant from God. Maybe He is choosing to be silent, maybe He is just testing her, I do not know. Alls I know is she feels alone. She knows she's not, but I know you all know that knowing something and feeling it are completely different. So I ask you to pray for her too. I have prayed that God will show up everywhere she is and that He will shower her with Himself and overwhelm her with the love He has for her, the love that caused Him to give up His life for her. I am praying that she will "remember the stars" and remember those of us who love her and aren't going anywhere. That she will remember she is loved unconditionally. That she will feel that love and not feel alone or empty. ♥ love you my twin.
I'll end this blog now with a final note:
-if you are reading this, you're living, but are you alive? if you don't feel like you're really LIVING, change. do something different. make an effort to BE alive. make an effort to COME alive. the world needs people who are alive and have come alive. passion is contagious. passion for Jesus is life changing. do you want to make a difference and show people the love of the Savior or do you just want to go through life and do "okay"? my choice is clear. whats yours?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
♫ darkness surrounds me, i know i'm alive, but i feel like i've died ♫
A million questions. That's all I've had the last week or so. Have I heard God wrong? Is this really what He wants from me? Where is this going to lead me? No, I'm not questioning HIM I'm questioning if I heard Him right...or wrong.
And then there's the other part of me that's pulling at me and speaking and confusing me. For those of you who have no idea what SI is like, let me give you an insight. Cutters don't do it because they want attention (usually, some do) Cutters don't hurt themselves because it's FUN. 99% of all self-injurers are not sadistic freaks who want to cause themselves pain.
We do it because we can't deal. We do it because we feel like we DESERVE the pain.
I won't forget the numerous amount of nights where I have fallen asleep crying my eyes out, begging for God to not let me wake up and being incredibly disappointed the next day when I woke up. So often it just feels like...He's GOD. Why does He want anything to do with me?? I could fade into nothingness and there would still be millions of other people to love Him, He doesn't need me so why do I try? There have been times I've imagined what it would be like to be punished by God. I don't deserve any kind of happiness. I just feel like I deserve to be alone and unhappy and hurting.
For example, this morning sitting in church, I sat there and could hardly sing the songs and worship God because I felt the overwhelming urge to take something sharp and dig deeply into my skin. It's so wrong but I was singing "Majestic" and holding back tears. That is not NORMAL. It's not right. I've been like this for almost a week now. No idea what brought it on. No idea why I feel so incredibly lonely everyday.
Sorry if this blog doesn't make sense at all this is just my attempt to let people know how I am feeling and such since I don't get to talk to any of you all hardly any more. Okay well, work meeting tonight....holiday season changes. Woo? Alls I know so far is that our uniform changes and that the sign outside our store will say "Santa's Workshop" until after new year's prolly. Joy. Okay well tootlz my blog readers, be happy.
And then there's the other part of me that's pulling at me and speaking and confusing me. For those of you who have no idea what SI is like, let me give you an insight. Cutters don't do it because they want attention (usually, some do) Cutters don't hurt themselves because it's FUN. 99% of all self-injurers are not sadistic freaks who want to cause themselves pain.
We do it because we can't deal. We do it because we feel like we DESERVE the pain.
I won't forget the numerous amount of nights where I have fallen asleep crying my eyes out, begging for God to not let me wake up and being incredibly disappointed the next day when I woke up. So often it just feels like...He's GOD. Why does He want anything to do with me?? I could fade into nothingness and there would still be millions of other people to love Him, He doesn't need me so why do I try? There have been times I've imagined what it would be like to be punished by God. I don't deserve any kind of happiness. I just feel like I deserve to be alone and unhappy and hurting.
For example, this morning sitting in church, I sat there and could hardly sing the songs and worship God because I felt the overwhelming urge to take something sharp and dig deeply into my skin. It's so wrong but I was singing "Majestic" and holding back tears. That is not NORMAL. It's not right. I've been like this for almost a week now. No idea what brought it on. No idea why I feel so incredibly lonely everyday.
Sorry if this blog doesn't make sense at all this is just my attempt to let people know how I am feeling and such since I don't get to talk to any of you all hardly any more. Okay well, work meeting tonight....holiday season changes. Woo? Alls I know so far is that our uniform changes and that the sign outside our store will say "Santa's Workshop" until after new year's prolly. Joy. Okay well tootlz my blog readers, be happy.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The Beauty that is Children
This is the "why-I-love-kids-so-much" blog. lol.
Last night, right as I sat down to eat dinner, a friend from church calls & asks me if I'd be able to watch his kids til 9-9:30 that night. Since I had absolutely no plans, I agreed and ate quickly, heading on over as soon as I could, per his request. Now, Jim is a great guy & I really got to know him during our mission trip to Alabama since he was the crew encourager on my crew the SORE THUMBS! ha ha oh good times =] well anyway, me him and Ashley all got to be pretty close during that week since we were on the same crew working long hours in the roasting, baking sun and it was so cool because, before that, I'd never really known him at all, like, you know how you know OF someone but don't really know them? it was kinda like that. Anyway, we bonded quite a bit and that was cool, so when he called me I was pretty excited, they have 5 kids and a huge house and it's just one of those homes that you love to be in because it's so happy and family like know what I mean? So even though my throat hurt, I'm like this is going to be a good night!
So I get to there house & I find out I'm only watching the youngest two, S & A. S is 5 and a boy and A is 7 and a girl. I remember when those 2 were born =) It's so crazy for me to be babysitting them when I remember them as babies! lol. But that's that. So Jim & his wife leave with their 2 oldest (I think they went to a football game) and I decided to get to know the kids so they'd be more comfortable with me (S really wasn't at all, well I don't think A was either, but she was much better than S, he kept running to Jim and wanting hugs...it didn't help that the kids really hadn't met me before that lol) and since it was my first time at the house I had the kids play tour guide (kids absolutely LOVE to play tour guide) and I found out where their bedrooms were and store in my memory the things I'd need for later at bedtime.
After we finished the "tour" of the upstairs, we all trooped downstairs and pretty much the kids just watched tv all night. We had a great adventure with Buff, the dog, who likes to chew things. Like...it was ridiculous. Jim told me later that whenever him & his wife leave, Buff chews up EVERYTHING and they don't really know why. So he demolished the toliet paper, a shoe, half a pillow and various other things. The kids kept feeding him hotdogs any time he got something he wasn't supposed to have so that he'd drop the thing and just eat the hotdog, but in my mind I kept thinking that that's positive reinforcement and it's not a very good way to change the behavior but oh well it's not my dog. lol. After we had pretty much put up high everything Buff could get into, we all settled down for an episode of Full House before the kids had to get ready for bed. Well, before they brushed their teeth, I let them have a snack (lol isn't that what babysitters do? :P ) and they asked for hot chocolate with marshmallows so I said okay cuz there's nothing really wrong with that and A made it which was kind of surprising to me cuz she's only 7 but she's VERY independent so that was cool to watch. Then the teeth were brushed and upstairs to bed we went!
As I tucked the kids in, they had to make sure they each had their own fans (in my opinion, it would have been just cozy WITHOUT fans but whatever lol) and then A, the 7 year old asked me if I was going to pray with them before bed like her dad does. I'm like...okay...Jim didn't mention this...I wonder how they pray, cuz you know, some parents teach "now i lay me" and some just pray like they normally would so I asked A if she wanted to go first and she said "no i always go last" so i'm like of course, that just figures lol and the S said he would go first and i'm like "ok" and he does and then they tell me it's my turn so i'm like "ok" and i pray and then A starts thanking God for her family and praying that her mom and dad and family get home safe and something about visiting her cousins soon and then she goes "and i pray that (she looks at me and goes "whats your name again?" and i'm like "miss liz") and she goes "Miss Liz" has a good day tomorrow and thank you for letting her watch us cuz she was fun and nice...in Jesus' name amen!" and I just wanted to go "aww!!!" but instead I said goodnight & went downstairs to wait for the parents to get home.
Kids are adorable.
I love them SOO much!!
That is why my job is perfect for me ^_^
Which reminds me I need to go shower & get ready for work soon. yay!
Until next time my faithful blog readers, peace! ♥
Last night, right as I sat down to eat dinner, a friend from church calls & asks me if I'd be able to watch his kids til 9-9:30 that night. Since I had absolutely no plans, I agreed and ate quickly, heading on over as soon as I could, per his request. Now, Jim is a great guy & I really got to know him during our mission trip to Alabama since he was the crew encourager on my crew the SORE THUMBS! ha ha oh good times =] well anyway, me him and Ashley all got to be pretty close during that week since we were on the same crew working long hours in the roasting, baking sun and it was so cool because, before that, I'd never really known him at all, like, you know how you know OF someone but don't really know them? it was kinda like that. Anyway, we bonded quite a bit and that was cool, so when he called me I was pretty excited, they have 5 kids and a huge house and it's just one of those homes that you love to be in because it's so happy and family like know what I mean? So even though my throat hurt, I'm like this is going to be a good night!
So I get to there house & I find out I'm only watching the youngest two, S & A. S is 5 and a boy and A is 7 and a girl. I remember when those 2 were born =) It's so crazy for me to be babysitting them when I remember them as babies! lol. But that's that. So Jim & his wife leave with their 2 oldest (I think they went to a football game) and I decided to get to know the kids so they'd be more comfortable with me (S really wasn't at all, well I don't think A was either, but she was much better than S, he kept running to Jim and wanting hugs...it didn't help that the kids really hadn't met me before that lol) and since it was my first time at the house I had the kids play tour guide (kids absolutely LOVE to play tour guide) and I found out where their bedrooms were and store in my memory the things I'd need for later at bedtime.
After we finished the "tour" of the upstairs, we all trooped downstairs and pretty much the kids just watched tv all night. We had a great adventure with Buff, the dog, who likes to chew things. Like...it was ridiculous. Jim told me later that whenever him & his wife leave, Buff chews up EVERYTHING and they don't really know why. So he demolished the toliet paper, a shoe, half a pillow and various other things. The kids kept feeding him hotdogs any time he got something he wasn't supposed to have so that he'd drop the thing and just eat the hotdog, but in my mind I kept thinking that that's positive reinforcement and it's not a very good way to change the behavior but oh well it's not my dog. lol. After we had pretty much put up high everything Buff could get into, we all settled down for an episode of Full House before the kids had to get ready for bed. Well, before they brushed their teeth, I let them have a snack (lol isn't that what babysitters do? :P ) and they asked for hot chocolate with marshmallows so I said okay cuz there's nothing really wrong with that and A made it which was kind of surprising to me cuz she's only 7 but she's VERY independent so that was cool to watch. Then the teeth were brushed and upstairs to bed we went!
As I tucked the kids in, they had to make sure they each had their own fans (in my opinion, it would have been just cozy WITHOUT fans but whatever lol) and then A, the 7 year old asked me if I was going to pray with them before bed like her dad does. I'm like...okay...Jim didn't mention this...I wonder how they pray, cuz you know, some parents teach "now i lay me" and some just pray like they normally would so I asked A if she wanted to go first and she said "no i always go last" so i'm like of course, that just figures lol and the S said he would go first and i'm like "ok" and he does and then they tell me it's my turn so i'm like "ok" and i pray and then A starts thanking God for her family and praying that her mom and dad and family get home safe and something about visiting her cousins soon and then she goes "and i pray that (she looks at me and goes "whats your name again?" and i'm like "miss liz") and she goes "Miss Liz" has a good day tomorrow and thank you for letting her watch us cuz she was fun and nice...in Jesus' name amen!" and I just wanted to go "aww!!!" but instead I said goodnight & went downstairs to wait for the parents to get home.
Kids are adorable.
I love them SOO much!!
That is why my job is perfect for me ^_^
Which reminds me I need to go shower & get ready for work soon. yay!
Until next time my faithful blog readers, peace! ♥
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Joshua--Be Strong: the voice of God when you least expect it.
Hello blog reading peoples =)
If you've been following along with my blog for very long at all, you should/would know that God has called me to go to Kenosha & the Living Light School of Worship, or so I believe. Right here in this moment I cannot believe anything less because He has spoken to me with such clarity and in such assuring ways that for me to disbelieve this is to turn my back on God. For me, that is such a strong thing to say since I don't believe He has ever spoken something to me so clearly before. Okay, so there's that little intro done and out of the way, now onto explaining what this blog is really about: Hearing God When You Least Expect It.
7:45a.m. this morning--my mother rouses me from where i'm sleeping on the couch in our living room (my room was just TOO cold last night so i took up residence on the couch which was much better). i really hadn't slept well because i've been sick + i was having serious issues last night with silly pains all over my body, my mouth, my neck, my stinkin knees...it was just one of THOSE nights. so i mumbled that i wasn't going to church cuz i wasn't feeling good & i rolled over. [side note: my cat was sleeping on me so i wasn't very comfortable to begin with...ha!] But as I lay there about to drift back off to sleep I realized I wasn't going to sleep very well anymore since I was woken up, so I picked up my cat and rolled off the couch and made my way to the bathroom to stick my contacts in. I walk out of the bathroom 10 min later completely showered & ready (minus being dressed) and my mom walks by ALL confused lol. The look on my mother's face was pretty much echoed on mine when I turned around in time to see my sister dressed and ready to go walking out of her bedroom...I almost fell over. My younger sisters + going to church= never happens!! But she was going...so I'm hopeful! lol. Anyway, off to church we went.
At church--several people greeted me & with a not-so-awake smile, I walked into the building. Today, our "usual" seats were taken when we got to church (oh heaven forbid...but my mom was annoyed, which I'll never understand *shrug* ) and we sat down and just kinda chatted with people & chilled til more people arrived (we live less than 5 miles away from church so we are ALWAYS super early lol). Well, one of my old small group leaders from middle & high school ended up sitting in front of us (Miss Cindy P.) and she started talking to me. Honestly, I haven't REALLY talked to her in ages even though her and I used to be incredibly close. Oh well, life changes and we grow from it right? Anywho, so we're talking and she asks me what I'm up to these days and I tell her all about my new job and how much I already love it. Then she asks if I know where I'm going to go back to school and I'm thinking "whoa! that came out of NOWHERE!" but I answer the question about LLC and the SOW and I start talking about how I'm going in November to visit (if all goes according to plan anyway) and how excited I am that God wants me there and then I realize my mom is standing there & I haven't told her ANY of this yet....least of all about the November visit & I'm like...ohhh dearrrr....but it was all good, she was just listening & didn't really have anything to say about it later lol. So that was a good conversation, but I really didn't think anything of it til later when I was reflecting on this.
So worship time =) Was amazing. I think it was because I've been reading Ducky's blogs and talking with her and a lot of the stuff she's said/written has sunk in. Worship isn't about US! It's about GOD! Who cares if we don't "feel" like singing? Sing anyway! Lol so that's kind of the attitude I had this morning. I really wasn't "seeking" God during worship, I was more praising Him and just really WORSHIPING. Anyway, it was all just REALLY amazing. I don't even think I can describe it in words, it was just special I guess. Moving onto preachin! lol. Our lead pastor isn't here this weekend, he's off in Nebraska? i think? doing something or other so, in preparation for our future expansion stuff we're doing, we watched the message via a pre-recorded video.
When it started I'm like "yawn. i hope i can stay awake. ugh i do NOT feel well at ALL! who ORDERED this headache anyway??! it sure wasn't me!" and so i get out my paper for notes and a pen and i start doodling while pastor outlines our growth plan that the congregation has decided to go through with and since i've already heard all about it ( i have inside connections lol, i hang out at church too much :P ) i was just doodling and kinda not paying attention. Well lately, we've been going through the old testament for our sermons & since i've never had much patience with the OT i wasn't very excited when pastor announced that but now that we've gotten into it, it's come alive for me and i really think i have different perspective on it now. Okay so moving along, I'm getting rather wordy! Today's sermon was on Joshua and him leading the people in the land God had promised them. The main text we were studying was this:
1 After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: 2 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. 3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. 5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
If you've been following along with my blog for very long at all, you should/would know that God has called me to go to Kenosha & the Living Light School of Worship, or so I believe. Right here in this moment I cannot believe anything less because He has spoken to me with such clarity and in such assuring ways that for me to disbelieve this is to turn my back on God. For me, that is such a strong thing to say since I don't believe He has ever spoken something to me so clearly before. Okay, so there's that little intro done and out of the way, now onto explaining what this blog is really about: Hearing God When You Least Expect It.
7:45a.m. this morning--my mother rouses me from where i'm sleeping on the couch in our living room (my room was just TOO cold last night so i took up residence on the couch which was much better). i really hadn't slept well because i've been sick + i was having serious issues last night with silly pains all over my body, my mouth, my neck, my stinkin knees...it was just one of THOSE nights. so i mumbled that i wasn't going to church cuz i wasn't feeling good & i rolled over. [side note: my cat was sleeping on me so i wasn't very comfortable to begin with...ha!] But as I lay there about to drift back off to sleep I realized I wasn't going to sleep very well anymore since I was woken up, so I picked up my cat and rolled off the couch and made my way to the bathroom to stick my contacts in. I walk out of the bathroom 10 min later completely showered & ready (minus being dressed) and my mom walks by ALL confused lol. The look on my mother's face was pretty much echoed on mine when I turned around in time to see my sister dressed and ready to go walking out of her bedroom...I almost fell over. My younger sisters + going to church= never happens!! But she was going...so I'm hopeful! lol. Anyway, off to church we went.
At church--several people greeted me & with a not-so-awake smile, I walked into the building. Today, our "usual" seats were taken when we got to church (oh heaven forbid...but my mom was annoyed, which I'll never understand *shrug* ) and we sat down and just kinda chatted with people & chilled til more people arrived (we live less than 5 miles away from church so we are ALWAYS super early lol). Well, one of my old small group leaders from middle & high school ended up sitting in front of us (Miss Cindy P.) and she started talking to me. Honestly, I haven't REALLY talked to her in ages even though her and I used to be incredibly close. Oh well, life changes and we grow from it right? Anywho, so we're talking and she asks me what I'm up to these days and I tell her all about my new job and how much I already love it. Then she asks if I know where I'm going to go back to school and I'm thinking "whoa! that came out of NOWHERE!" but I answer the question about LLC and the SOW and I start talking about how I'm going in November to visit (if all goes according to plan anyway) and how excited I am that God wants me there and then I realize my mom is standing there & I haven't told her ANY of this yet....least of all about the November visit & I'm like...ohhh dearrrr....but it was all good, she was just listening & didn't really have anything to say about it later lol. So that was a good conversation, but I really didn't think anything of it til later when I was reflecting on this.
So worship time =) Was amazing. I think it was because I've been reading Ducky's blogs and talking with her and a lot of the stuff she's said/written has sunk in. Worship isn't about US! It's about GOD! Who cares if we don't "feel" like singing? Sing anyway! Lol so that's kind of the attitude I had this morning. I really wasn't "seeking" God during worship, I was more praising Him and just really WORSHIPING. Anyway, it was all just REALLY amazing. I don't even think I can describe it in words, it was just special I guess. Moving onto preachin! lol. Our lead pastor isn't here this weekend, he's off in Nebraska? i think? doing something or other so, in preparation for our future expansion stuff we're doing, we watched the message via a pre-recorded video.
When it started I'm like "yawn. i hope i can stay awake. ugh i do NOT feel well at ALL! who ORDERED this headache anyway??! it sure wasn't me!" and so i get out my paper for notes and a pen and i start doodling while pastor outlines our growth plan that the congregation has decided to go through with and since i've already heard all about it ( i have inside connections lol, i hang out at church too much :P ) i was just doodling and kinda not paying attention. Well lately, we've been going through the old testament for our sermons & since i've never had much patience with the OT i wasn't very excited when pastor announced that but now that we've gotten into it, it's come alive for me and i really think i have different perspective on it now. Okay so moving along, I'm getting rather wordy! Today's sermon was on Joshua and him leading the people in the land God had promised them. The main text we were studying was this:
1 After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: 2 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. 3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. 5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:1-9
We read through this and I was like ehhh until we got to this part and it just HIT me hard:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." --verse 9
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Handwritten Letters.
I love them.
I love getting them.
So.
The first 10 people to respond to this will get a handwritten letter from me.
I am going to post this on facebook as well so you might want to be fast ;-)
This obviously requires me to have your address so I can send the letter.
You can either post it here if you don't care or you can message me on facebook
or email me at moonlight_princess_08@hotmail.com
So here's to handwritten letters!!
I love getting them.
So.
The first 10 people to respond to this will get a handwritten letter from me.
I am going to post this on facebook as well so you might want to be fast ;-)
This obviously requires me to have your address so I can send the letter.
You can either post it here if you don't care or you can message me on facebook
or email me at moonlight_princess_08@hotmail.com
So here's to handwritten letters!!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The Art of Breaking...Barriers??
Okay so...I don't usually blog everyday or blog like 2 days right in a row but tonight I've just been hit with something and if I don't write about it, I most likely won't remember it later on when I need to reflect on it.
Small group was tonight, at my house since Andrew's parents were here & Andrew and Lynette couldn't make it this week. Kelly & her husband Andrew also weren't at group because Andrew got inducted into Phi Theta Kappa (congrats man!) and so group was kinda small (lol we're never normally THAT big, but yea, group was kinda small, just 6 of us) and Simeon was leading (Bre was co-leading) and it was all VERY good.
The study we've been doing is on the Trinity & the different parts of them and that has conveniently been going right along with the book I've been reading ("The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer) so that's all really good, I've been learning a lot. Well, last week, Andrew B. gave us "homework". Earlier in the evening he had posed the question "if you could do anything that your heart desires, without worrying about expenses, responsibilities or anything, what would that be?" and several people didn't really know & had to think for quite awhile but so many things that have been happening in my life lately have had me thinking about this and I knew instantly what my answer was: "to travel the world and give people hope through music, whether it be rock or anything, i would LOVE to be a rockstar in a band and be able to give people (especially teenagers) hope that life is worth living because there is a God who loves us."
Well, Andrew B. challenged us for "homework" to take one step towards that "dream" i guess you'd call it. And well, I have taken a step. One, I got a job to start saving up the $ for LLSOW I guess is a step? And I've also made plans to visit the school...AND CARA!!!! (which is WAY more important than any school :P ) and I may even get to throw a Skillet concert in there (that's the hopes!! :D so pray for that to go through!! lol!!) Anyway, that was the challenge.
So, tonight after group, I turn my computer back on and check thing and see that a few friends have posted blogs & I go to read them, because I am a faithful blog reader. And I get to one, Cara's where she wrote about prophecies people have spoken over her (never mind the thought of whether or not you believe in that, it's not pertinent to my point) and I was reading one of them that said that she needed to let go of certain things or God will break down the barriers. I've pretty much had it in my head that one of the few things tying me to this town & specific place are my friends and family, my dad's health isn't the best and any day he could be gone you know?
Well, it's no secret, nor do I want it to be, that Liz and I are no longer best friends. Apparently all those years mean nothing, but I'm not bitter, just sad. Last night the fighting ceased when Liz posed the question "What do we do about this?" referring to the fact that anymore we're always constantly fighting or arguing about things that really shouldn't matter that much, for example, me missing church because I was sick, somehow that REALLY angered her, I have yet to understand why. We were trying to come to some sort of agreement and I asked her what she thought and her reply was, " I think we both want our friendship to be the same as it was when we were younger and that neither of us likes or wants to accept that the other has changed." I responded with "Yeah I guess that's true but what does that have to do with solving this problem?" and she answered me, "I don't think we can be best friends anymore. Aquaintances sure, you know, if we see each other that's cool but I don't think we should make plans to hang out anymore." And I just agreed because if that is truly how she feels then there really isn't anything I can do to change things. I can't change who I am nor do I have the ability to change how what she has become. So I let it go. Not without pain and definitely not without tears. There is a lot I am going to miss. So many things that will not be the same.
But here it is, what really hit me tonight: maybe God did this for a reason. If I really AM going to be moving in just a year or two, the less attachments I have, the easier it will be to go right? To go back to Cara's blog post, if I just let go and let God, will this truly be easier than having Him break the walls down? I believe so. Right now, I'm unsure of how to do this exactly, but I guess trust in Him is a great place to start.
To echo the words of Elisabeth Elliot:
Small group was tonight, at my house since Andrew's parents were here & Andrew and Lynette couldn't make it this week. Kelly & her husband Andrew also weren't at group because Andrew got inducted into Phi Theta Kappa (congrats man!) and so group was kinda small (lol we're never normally THAT big, but yea, group was kinda small, just 6 of us) and Simeon was leading (Bre was co-leading) and it was all VERY good.
The study we've been doing is on the Trinity & the different parts of them and that has conveniently been going right along with the book I've been reading ("The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer) so that's all really good, I've been learning a lot. Well, last week, Andrew B. gave us "homework". Earlier in the evening he had posed the question "if you could do anything that your heart desires, without worrying about expenses, responsibilities or anything, what would that be?" and several people didn't really know & had to think for quite awhile but so many things that have been happening in my life lately have had me thinking about this and I knew instantly what my answer was: "to travel the world and give people hope through music, whether it be rock or anything, i would LOVE to be a rockstar in a band and be able to give people (especially teenagers) hope that life is worth living because there is a God who loves us."
Well, Andrew B. challenged us for "homework" to take one step towards that "dream" i guess you'd call it. And well, I have taken a step. One, I got a job to start saving up the $ for LLSOW I guess is a step? And I've also made plans to visit the school...AND CARA!!!! (which is WAY more important than any school :P ) and I may even get to throw a Skillet concert in there (that's the hopes!! :D so pray for that to go through!! lol!!) Anyway, that was the challenge.
So, tonight after group, I turn my computer back on and check thing and see that a few friends have posted blogs & I go to read them, because I am a faithful blog reader. And I get to one, Cara's where she wrote about prophecies people have spoken over her (never mind the thought of whether or not you believe in that, it's not pertinent to my point) and I was reading one of them that said that she needed to let go of certain things or God will break down the barriers. I've pretty much had it in my head that one of the few things tying me to this town & specific place are my friends and family, my dad's health isn't the best and any day he could be gone you know?
Well, it's no secret, nor do I want it to be, that Liz and I are no longer best friends. Apparently all those years mean nothing, but I'm not bitter, just sad. Last night the fighting ceased when Liz posed the question "What do we do about this?" referring to the fact that anymore we're always constantly fighting or arguing about things that really shouldn't matter that much, for example, me missing church because I was sick, somehow that REALLY angered her, I have yet to understand why. We were trying to come to some sort of agreement and I asked her what she thought and her reply was, " I think we both want our friendship to be the same as it was when we were younger and that neither of us likes or wants to accept that the other has changed." I responded with "Yeah I guess that's true but what does that have to do with solving this problem?" and she answered me, "I don't think we can be best friends anymore. Aquaintances sure, you know, if we see each other that's cool but I don't think we should make plans to hang out anymore." And I just agreed because if that is truly how she feels then there really isn't anything I can do to change things. I can't change who I am nor do I have the ability to change how what she has become. So I let it go. Not without pain and definitely not without tears. There is a lot I am going to miss. So many things that will not be the same.
But here it is, what really hit me tonight: maybe God did this for a reason. If I really AM going to be moving in just a year or two, the less attachments I have, the easier it will be to go right? To go back to Cara's blog post, if I just let go and let God, will this truly be easier than having Him break the walls down? I believe so. Right now, I'm unsure of how to do this exactly, but I guess trust in Him is a great place to start.
To echo the words of Elisabeth Elliot:
"How can God work His will in me if I am clogged with wishes of my own? Thy will be done."
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