Saturday.
Woke up at about 8:00 a.m. to hear much noise in our kitchen and smells coming from somewhere...Confused I got up and drowsily made my way to the kitchen to see my mom in this cooking frenzy. I asked her who died and she reminded me that my brother was coming home this weekend for the first time in quite a few years, since my grandpa died, 3 almost 4 years. Of COURSE. I couldn't believe I forgot that, it was a huge issue with everyone when I announced my trip to Kenosha because everyone knew about him coming home & the date except me and well I had already made these plans so I just trusted God would take care of everyone's resentment towards me. The night before, my good friend Jen and I had made plans for her to come over before we both left on our respective road trips; me to Kenosha, her to Ripon to visit another friend of ours. We used window markers and wrote fun things like "Kenosha and Skillet Bound" and "Ripon Bound!" on our cars and as soon as all of my things were packed we were off. I was mildly shaky and nervous about driving on my own especially not knowing the way, I always get tense when driving in places where I don't know the area at all. So okay, roadtrip was pretty great and 3 hours later, skip ahead to seeing my first Kenosha exit sign! I was pretty much pumped, I could feel the adrenaline (and caffeine perhaps?) now so natural the music got turned up and I was just dancing like crazy to "Romance Me" by Disciple ha ha. Well, just 3 exits away from the one I needed to take I texted Cara "VERY close to Kenosha!!!!!!!!!" and then I hit some mild traffic...and about 15 minutes later I pulled into a longgggg driveway and saw Cara for the first time ever. It was all I could do to park my car, I just wanted to jump out & give her giant hugs! haha. (Pretty much I parked and THEN jumped out and did that though :P ) It didn't take me even 10 minutes after getting there before I got to give her the build-a-bear I made special for her :)
And I showed her the panda I made for Heidi with a very special sound in it ;-) Then, we went inside the house and I got to meet Cara's host family and her AWESOME roommate Kate:) I met the Dejno family and Ruby (their dog). Then Cara asked me if I was hungry & since I had had some pretty intense nerves & not eaten breakfast or lunch I said yes because I realized I WAS hungry and Cara said she was too so we went to this adorable & amazing lil place called Common Grounds, which is right on Lake Michigan.
Then after we finished eating, we went down by the lake which definitely rocked and Cara even let me use her AMAZING camera & yeah thanks to her & Mary I am DEFINITELY gonna get one =) So, a few lake photos:
After we were totally just cold and done with lake amazingness, we went back to the Dejno's
aaaaaaaaand basically me & Cara just kind sat on our computers lol. It was good to just kind of relax though, we shared a few songs and compared our Skillet photo folders (for the record, Cara's amazes me haha!). I got my stuff all put in one place and pretty soon Kate, Cara and I took off shopping for groceries for dinner which Cara was cooking:) food recap? EPIC. it was this casserole thing but it had tortilla shells and chipotles and beef and cheese...LOTS of cheese (haha cara :P ) and just it was amazing. To me, it tasted better than Chipotle for those of you who have had Chipotle to compare...and fyi miss duck...i still want that recipe ;-) So that was dinner. Umm then me & Cara went back downstairs and just chilled some more while Kate went to a party. We talked Skillet FOREVER which was amazing. We talked about school. We talked about growing up Baptist. We just talked. I loved it. Then it was pretty much time for sleep so we did that and I discovered the couch downstairs in their house is more comfortable than my bed haha! Needless to say I fell RIGHT asleep and the next thing I remember is Cara gently waking me up the next morning for church. So....
Sunday:
I woke up & was all excited for church because I just generally love it but then I remembered I wasn't going to MY church, these were all people I didn't know save Cara. And I knew Heidi was going to be there but that was all I knew. So I got up from the couch and made my way to the girls' room and sat on the floor by my stuff trying to wake up (I may or may not have cracked open a mountain dew at this point haha) and I just sat there and as I grabbed my concert clothes & shoved them into a separate bag, it just HIT me how incredible it was that I was there. Right there. In Kenosha. With Cara. Going to Living Light to church and meet Heidi. Later on, to see Skillet. Over a year ago I was "supposed" to have died. I was just overwhelmed by that huge revelation God gave me right then, that there was more to my life than what was "supposed" to be. And it was just SO perfectly time because Kate had her iphone on her dock and was playing Flyleaf's new record "Memento Mori" and the song "Who Am I" was on and I took notice of it for the first time and really let the lyrics hit me I guess is what happened... "I'm so glad to be here this day has become too clear. I'm trembling with thankfulness. Who am I? Who am I that You have brought me this far? This far? Who am I that You have brought me so far? All those years of spoiled complaining I said it's not enough. And You have forgiven me. For everything. Everything. And You have given me everything, everything. It's too much. It's too much. You're too much. You're too much. Who am I? Who am I that You have brought me this far? This far? Who am I that You have brought me so far? Who am I?" and I didn't even know the title of the song but I knew that it was meant for me right then. So with that thankful and amazed attitude I went off to church with Cara. We were a little late but really it didn't matter:) The moment I walked in the door I was hugged by people, the first person was actually Korey's dad and I didn't know it but I couldn't help but smile at the warmness he just radiated, the genuine joy that I was there. We found seats and just began to sing with the band. And wow. There is just SO much energy there!! It's phenomenal. Their church service is different than what I am used to by quite a long shot. I was VERY excited to sing a song I love and know:)
so that was really cool. Anyway, at some point while we were worshipping, Heidi came in & Cara saw her but I didn't. I knew she was struggling with a few things (who doesn't struggle you know?) and I'd been speaking hope to her and really praying for her an awful lot so when Cara went over to her to pray over her I smiled & knew God would use that and change things there if Heidi would let Him. I thought it was cool that Heidi was there now & Cara was staying by her so I figured okay cool, after we're done singing I'll say hey to Heidi & give her hugs...right? Not so much...The minute I had that thought I started feeling like I do when I get the urge to pray for someone. It's like I don't have control of my mind totally, it's so weird, not bad just different. And so I'm like, okay what's up? And I just GOT this word. Victory. It kept going through my mind & I'm like...um...okay WHAT is going on? And I looked over at Heidi and it hit me that this was a word for her. So for anyone who doesn't know, this has NEVER happened to me before, at least not where I recognized it and the only reason I recognized it this time was because I had talked to Cara about it just the day prior. So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes & was like "Okay God what are you saying here?" and I knew I had to go over by her and Cara was still praying over her so my thoughts were along the lines of not wanting to interrupt you know? and plus there were these two nice ladies on the end of our row & I really didn't want to bother their worship either...but I just KNEW I had to go. So I sucked up the fact that I didn't know anyone there and that this thing was TOTALLY foreign to me and I went over and as Cara finished praying over Heidi, I just wrapped my arms around her
and as soon as Cara finished, she went back to worshipping and I told Heidi, "this is SO weird for me but i really think i have a word for you and i believe God wants you to know that if you run to Him and just trust Him and have faith that He knows what He's doing you will have victory and you will be VICTORIOUS." and that was all I had to say but I knew that after I said it I was right because I just FELT different after. And then "Overcome" was the next song to be sung and wow I just saw the change in Heidi. I had tears in my eyes because I could see something was lifted from her. It was so beautiful. And I just saw proof of God's amazingness and alls I could do was sing with my whole heart and worship Him for what I had just witnessed. After worship, there was a break where people got situated in seats and I THINK the children were released?? (not for sure..) but anyways then we went into the teaching time. I didn't take notes because I am oh so intelligent and had my notebook with me..not. But I DO remember a lot from it, wow J.L. is INCREDIBLE. Not only is it easy to follow him in his points and reasoning but he keeps interest really well AND he adds quite a bit of humor, I really enjoyed that. Okay so after the teaching our Chicago/show-bound gang all got as together as we could (we had to wait for some others from different congregations) and as soon as we could be, we were off to Chicago!
The car-ride there was really cool. I met two more people from the school, B and T. B was driving and man I love her she is amazing. SO much she did that whole weekend just made me feel like I belonged there. And also, her car is saweet! She has like the fruit of the spirit painted around her car and stuff. Oh. And she is in LOVE with scones. haha! I kept handing them to her it was this funny joke that kind of arose haha. Loved it. The most memorable part to me about the ride was that I was asked to tell my story, my testimony. Cara & Heidi both already knew it but B & T did not and they were curious. The topic came up because we were searching for a Skillet cd to play on the way to Chicago and B put comatose in and I said "my favorite song is on this cd, it means a LOT to me." and Heidi and Cara are both like "oh yeah!" but the other two didn't know. So they asked me if I would share and I had a huge moment of fear. I've never been one to care TOO much what people think but when it comes to my faults and things I felt I've REALLY failed on, it gets really hard for me to talk about, especially with people I'm making an impression on. So with shaking hands and a pounding heart I agreed to tell the story of how Skillet and 'Whispers in the Dark' saved my life.
So I launch into my story and after a few interesting driving maneuvers (other people's faults not B's, she's a great driver :) I got really deep into things and as I talked about being depressed and cutting I realized B & T weren't judging me. They were listening. They wanted to know. They didn't even know me but they wanted to know. That gave me encouragement and the fear I had left me and I finished my story off by saying how incredible it was that God was allowing me to serve the band that saved my life when I wasn't "supposed" (theres' that word again) to be at the show at all. And really, after my story I think that's when we began to mesh. Like, just our car of people, it was really amazing cuz I know now that each person that was in that car, I can trust and that is awesome.
So, into Chicago we went =) Thanks to the GPS and amazing mapquest directions and some great people driving who got us decent parking, we ended up at The Cheesecake Factory for food! Yay!
From the Cheesecake Factory (which is quite close to the House of Blues, we had 0.8 miles I think to walk to get to the HoB and walk we did!)
On the way, there was a moment where B was able to bless a homeless man with the leftover bread we didn't eat at the Cheesecake Factory. That mental image will forever be in my head, it made my heart SO happy to see that. To read more about it, go here to read Heidi's description of it, she did amazing writing about it: http://skiesfall.blogspot.com/2009/11/chicago.html
Just a few minutes after 4pm, we got to the House of Blues and Cara called/texted Tate/Scotty and we got right in and after Cara greeted Scotty, those of us working merch got our passes:
and we were sent right off to work!
Since there were quite a few of us, we didn't ALL directly work Skillet merch. S did merch for The Letter Black:
J did merch for Decyfer Down (admittedly epic in my opinion :P)
T and I did Hawk Nelson merch:
and Cara and Kate did Skillet merch:
My opinion of doing merch was that it really was not bad at all. I know of some people who don't like it but the conversations make it worth it. I am passionate about music and God, the two things that are incorporated for the most part in the music world of which I was a part of that night. I was incredibly happy. Not only was the show really awesome (more later) but getting to know T better was also a blast. He's from England so that was REALLY cool for me. We had this amazing joke that we were both put on Hawk's merch when neither of us really liked Hawk much. T had never even heard of H.N. and I knew a few songs but don't really care for that particularly variety of music. So we laughed about that almost all night. At one point, T puts on as much merch as he can to look cheesy and declares himself Hawk Nelson's biggest fan:
I joined in the spirit of fun and took this photo specifically for Caleb & Micah:
I really loved the fact that I was working WITH someone else because S & J were alone and by having a partner at our (TINY) table, both of us could catch the show here and there. T really loves Collide-era Skillet and he knew some Decyfer Down so I made sure he got to see that stuff and he knew that Whispers and The Last Night by Skillet and Fading by Decyfer Down were among things I really wanted to hear and see, so it worked amazingly. Plus, he was an incredible gentleman and made sure I was having fun but I was likewise making sure he had fun because after the 9 months of school he'll be back in England most likely & unless Skillet decides to launch that international tour (ha.) he won't get to see them again for a long time.
Oh yeah, before I forget, we were done setting up merch during soundcheck and well before the meet & greet (which Scotty got us into cuz he is just that amazing) so here's a photo:
And...during the night, I happened to snag a few priceless photos of my own!
Also during the night, Cara & I got to meet 2 amazing boardies! L & T!! woohoo boardies!!
Cara, T and I:
The H.N. merch guy and I (he is INCREDIBLY nice and just plain awesome):
oh yeah and the show?
sold out yo!
So after all of THAT insanity, we got back to the house and Kate, Cara and I all pretty much just CRASHED. Well, they did. I ended up staying awake until nearly 3 a.m. because I just HAD to write in my journal. There was NO way I was gonna be able to handle school the next day with all of that in my head still. So I scribbled and scribbled and made SOME sense haha. Sleep:) Then...WAKE UP FOR SCHOOL! 7 am let's go let's go! haha.
Monday:
Alrighty! Monday morning. Definitely dead. haha. I can definitely attest to needing caffeine that morning as we drove to pick up K for school. I was SO SO exhausted. Waking up my thoughts turned back to nerves. Meeting Kal! Seeing the school! Sitting in on classes! What if I knew absolutely nothing? What if I wasn't accepted by everyone? Just basic, stupid thoughts that I'm sure have run through everyone's mind at one point or another. Anyway, we got to the school and everyone was putting their stuff in the classroom & then making their way to the main room (sanctuary is prolly what it's called, if not someone can clue me in :P) for morning worship. Honestly? I was not awake enough to sing. I was afraid to open my mouth because on the best of days I'm not a good singer and morning voice? blechhh. So the music began softly and L who was leading said she felt everyone should just speak out in tongues & I can't do that so I just kind of stood there wishing I didn't feel so left out but then the song began and the music pulled me in like it does and I was worshipping just like I belonged there, just as if I was another student, there was no distinction.
After worship time, the first class started which I think was exploring worship with Kimmy. That was REALLY cool! She talked about why we should shout during worship and to God in general. I took a page full of notes, it was really good!!:) Then after that was New Testament church structure which was supposed to be with J.L. but was with Scott instead...aaaaaaaaand someone asked about predestination. 2 hours later the question was "answered" and wow that was SO in depth but I followed it SO well. I didn't really have any trouble wrapping my mind around the concept of being chosen by God because I chose Him because I realize it's a paradox that my human mind cannot fully understand and I'm okay with accepting that, though I understand the basics of it all. While other students struggled to grasp it and accept it, Cara and I both just "got" it and I think to an extent we were both annoyed with some of the others who were having a hard time with it...but maybe that goes back to being prophetic? ha. I still don't know if I really think I am though after talking about it with Cara it fits me which is...different for me to consider, to say the least. (sorry, I know I'm being really vague about that but its 2 a.m. and I may end up blogging about that again later, especially if people ask me questions). So that was 2 hours of class. Towards the end of that class, Kal pulled me out to chat and because lunch kind of interrupted us, I wasn't able to talk as much as I'd have liked to but, 1) there are telephones 2) there is email and 3) i'm hoping to go back & visit if for nothing longer than a saturday/sunday thing. :) So then we had lunch which was tacos provided by Kate's mom (awesome right?) and they were amazingly yummy so no complaints there :P thennnn after lunch the students split into 2 classes, Theory and Ear Training. Cara's Ear Training class had a test so instead of sitting in with her, I went and sat in on Theory with Kal and wow! haha 1. Kal is hyper and that's awesome that he can be so enthusiastic about what he's doing, that's the mark of someone truly passionate about what they're doing and 2. I was SURPRISED how much I knew and could follow with theory!! Yeah I had no idea what the chords were, I've never learned chords but for them to be 3 months in and me to be able to follow along and not get lost is pretty amazing to me. Yes, there is a TON I would/will need to learn first to get to that point but it's still pretty cool that I knew SOMETHING haha. After Theory with Kal was Ear Training with Kimmy and this class I was hesitant about...I KNOW what ear training is. It terrifies me. Haha. It goes back to singing and knowing pitches and I'm really not good at that at all. I can match pitches when it comes to songs, at least decently but for someone to just hand me sheet music and say "sing it" I can't do that. I can READ the music but not sing it. So...that was interesting. They started out by warming up with whole notes on a scale, long tones basically and T ended up sitting by me and he shared his papers and stuff with me so I could see what was going on and that was really nice of him so that was fun haha. And then...something I STILL don't understand...but almost everyone climbed up on their chairs to sing. Apparently it helps their confidence? Haha I don't know but it sure made me laugh and it was something fun to remember:) After singing & warm ups there was...DUM DUM DUM! Melodic Dictation! *frightened children flee while you still can!* (oh wow i'm tired haha) Okay so basically melodic dictation is evil. You have to hear something and be able to write it. They're only on chapter 2 I believe but it's HARD okay? To be able to accurately match pitches and rhythms in different keys isn't exactly easy to do, and while I was decent at matching the rhythm I SUCKED at getting the pitches...so that was that haha. OH! And I really need to learn solfege. I know VERY little about it and they use it a ton...so..maybe I SHOULD have taken choir in high school haha! Okay well after that class the students broke off into worship teams and that was how the majority of school time was spent:) I recorded Cara's team because they asked me to and I took a few photos as well:
After worship teams, and a little time lapse, we headed back to the house and I finished all my things getting packed away while we waited for Heidi to stop over so we could say bye ♥ Cara and I transferred the last of our photos and video and once Heidi got there we took some pics of the 4 of us gals (Cara, Kate, Heidi, me) which *cough cara cough* I still need to have emailed to me so I can have them & add them to this blog :P As soon as we finished those, it was time to go for Heidi & I (dinner time for everyone else haha) and the last words were said and the last hugs were given & with a full heart and an overflowing mind I set off for home with the return 3 hour drive ahead of me.
It's taken me about a week to write this blog and I've finally understood why I couldn't write everything right away. I was still living it. I still am. There was just an abundance of LOVE there, no matter what was going on, even through the tension and stress of the night of the Skillet show, we all still loved and had patience and compassion. To be completely honest, that is something I am not used to seeing or living in and with for that matter, so, for a weekend of it, to be exposed to what life as the body should be like (even though it should be even MORE so) overwhelmed was and is the only word I could come up with to even attempt to describe it. The only word I could use for the weekend that came out of my mouth so frequently I must have gotten some frequent flyer miles on it, was AMAZING. God was amazing. People were amazing. It was just ALL so incredible and special. When I left home I had doubts about the school. Doubts about Kenosha. I questioned whether I wanted to go there for my own reasons or if this was really God. I don't have questions anymore. I KNOW. I do not know how it's all going to work out. I do not know what is going to happen after I do the school, but right here and right now I know that is where I need to be, that is where I need to go.
I may elaborate on this blog later but it's nearly 3 a.m. and I've now gone about 16 hours without sleep so yeah, goodnight:) please comment because this is the longest blog i've ever written haha!♥
